How important is a sense of humor to you? How important is it for your relationship or friends to have that personality trait? How often are you the person telling the joke? Now, and be honest, how often are you at the core of the joke because you’ve tried too hard to focus on the attention of the crowd instead of the quality of your humor? Here are a few ways to know your audience or share these tips with someone who just doesn’t get it.

Here’s the scenario: you’re telling a joke at a gathering and everyone laughs, maybe even hysterically. The laughs die down but now that the attention is on you, why stop now? You keep going. Laughs turn into chuckles, which turn into giggles, which turn into awkward grunts. It’s easy to feel pressured to keep going or to crave so much attention that you do not notice it’s time to quit.

I’ve seen this a lot at work and in personal interactions. The joker must know when to end the ongoing banter. This is much easier when it’s a group conversation but when there are only two people going back and forth then someone must step up to redirect the chat. I mostly see this in those trying to one-up each other, until ultimately someone gets offended or bored. When the chat turns into this, the jokes are merely scanty words that fall flat.

It’s easy to identify that things have taken a turn and you’re at the center. Not in a good way.

There is tension or frustration in the group

If you start to notice eye rolls, condescending smirks, constant hand movement, or those you’re speaking to shifting away from you then it’s a kind way of showing disinterest without having to say it. Take the hint. Frustration is also shown by the group taking in deep breaths and exhales, looking down or away, and beginning to fiddle with a phone, drink, or other objects.

Everyone is looking around for an escape

When suddenly it’s time for a restroom break or appetizer, it’s clear that excuses are being made to escape from you.

You’re working harder for laughs.

When you have to rely on excessive body language/movements or loud noises to get or keep everyone’s attention then it’s time to redirect or exit the conversation. If you’re able to pass the conversation to someone else without dwelling on it, then it’s a great way to test yourself and if there is a bigger issue (depression, loneliness, narcissism).

People are avoiding making eye contact.

Generally, if someone is leading the conversation then everyone makes eye contact with the person. If you are speaking but everyone is purposely looking away then it’s a good indicator that they no longer want to hear you speak. It’s even more certain if the person you came with is no longer giving you a sympathetic laugh or giggle.

Everyone is silent.

Similar to that above, the person or group is no longer laughing at your jokes. Doing so is enabling and they want nothing more than for this to be over. There are obvious head gestures amongst the group and facial expressions of annoyance.

There are ways to improve social ignorance. Here’s what you can do:

• Know your why. What is the goal when you speak to a crowd? Is it to entertain everyone, get laughs, impress someone(s), feel better about yourself, or some other reason?
• Be respectful of everyone’s time and patience. Using the indicators above, read your audience. Body language, tone, facial expressions, etc will tell you everything about how the group is feeling as you press on.
• Know when to walk away. Give the people space! If you notice that the laughs have died down and have turned into polite giggles then it’s time to excuse yourself or…
• Invite someone else to take over the conversation. The easiest way to do this is to ask someone a question while changing the subject. Let them speak. If the crowd regains interest, that is not an invitation to take over again. Your moment has passed! Notice the mood of the crowd.
• Don’t be arrogant and selfish. It’s condescending and pretentious to assume that you are that funny. Maybe you are, but the point is to be aware of when to pause.

What are your thoughts? Have you come across this person at a gathering? Have you been the victim or the culprit?

Share this with someone who could use a little advice about balance and discipline.