It’s that time of year. That awkward text message from an old “friend” that simply says “hey, stranger.” This alleged friend is now nothing more than an unknown phone number. So, what are you supposed to do with that??
I’ll start with my obvious frustration on this topic: the game.
This is when you politely state that you do not have the number saved, so the person decides to turn that into their personal entertainment. Clearly forgetting that they are the stranger.
It goes something like this:
- Who do you think this is? *Winky face*
- You don’t have my number saved??
- Let me give you a hint…
During high school, I might have possibly engaged in responding out of boredom. Now, I either ignore it or block the number. If they truly know who you are, then they’ll figure out another way to reach you in a more appropriate way.
I don’t believe people realize how offensive “hey, stranger” is for the receiver. If you’re at the point that you’re calling someone “stranger,” what you presume is a joking way, then it’s certainly not funny, and you are definitely a stranger.
There are a hundred ways to track someone these days. Receiving this text message is even more demoralizing when you’ve seen this person take the time to post updates to “actual” strangers about work, media, food, relationships, vacations, and other interests.
Am I not as interesting as your bowl of cereal because the sun was shining just right on the table at the time you felt a need to share a photo of it (pouring it out anyway because it’s soggy now)?
Meaning: identify yourself! That simple. If I text someone whom I haven’t communicated with for a long while (months or years), or there wasn’t a [recent] close relationship, then at minimum I close the text with my initials.
I understand that people lose touch when life happens. However, nothing frustrates me more about the “hey, stranger” message than a bad excuse.
- I’ve been busy
- I’ve been working
- I’ve been traveling
I’m just going to call it out. Everyone poops. Someone sending a “let’s catch up” text most likely eats, and sleeps sufficiently. It probably took about 10 seconds or less to write out, voice-to-text, or swipe that text message. If a billionaire CEO can make time, I’m sure little ol’ you can as well.
That being said, let’s hang up the busyness excuse. We’re all “busy,” but most of us want to appear, or simply feel, busier than we actually are.
Make time for your connections. I guarantee you have it. Ten minutes a year (and that’s being generous) is enough time to send a text blast to old friends. If you don’t have a few minutes or seconds for the folks saved in your phone, it’s time to delete them. Only add those that you find worthy of being a contact and reach out every 6-12 months.
It’s a great way to keep current and actually have something real to chat about.
This turns, “how have you been” into “the last time we chatted you mentioned ___, how’s that going?” You can even incorporate the “excuses” above: how was your vacation to __; what happened with that job you applied for?”
Each conversation will build upon the last and leave friends looking forward to hearing from you rather than sending you to voicemail, eye-rolling seeing your name pop up. Purposely asking “who is this?” just so you remember how unimportant you actually are.
Set an annual reminder if you’re truly that busy!
If you have time to send a vague holiday or birthday text once a year, then sending a personalized message any other day of the year when it isn’t so obligatory will add even more value and likely get a genuine response.
Compassion goes far. Slow down for the little things. Or don’t. But you might reflect on that if you make it to a natural old age death.
Behind the Fog: The Peaks & Valleys of Life. 