Tag Archives: Social Media

Uncategorized Optimization

“It’s Too Late.” Says Who?

I’ve always been a bit introverted. I strongly believe that everyone has some level of being ambiverted. I had an ex who told me that it was too late for me to make friends. This was while I was a non-traditional college student trying my best to make connections. I believed him.

This caused me to latch on strongly to relationships because I felt that was all I had. I’ve only recently realized how untrue that was.

I admit, it was hard for me to find friends in high school or college who I connected with on a deeper level due to past trauma. I didn’t trust many people, and I still don’t. But, everyone is not the enemy. Everyone is not “fake” with false motives. Moreover, you can make friends with shared interests as an adult.

Granted, it does take effort and initiative. I felt a bit lost at first while I was single. I tried random events, forums, outings, etc. in my quest to develop something. Eventually, it did work!

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I gained a close friend group who I care about and vice versa. It made me realize the importance of “friends” and who will be there during the ups and downs.

I had a chat with one of those friends recently about how often this can also backfire. There is a particular friend who always disappears while in a relationship and returns when things don’t work out. It’s noticeable.

At some point, people will give up on you as being a genuine person. You will have no one to turn to once it fails (this does not mean that it will). However, I believe you should give 6 months to a year in a romantic relationship before you begin to prioritize your relationship over your friends. Even then, it is to balance your time with both.

The friend mentioned above blamed “work” as the reason for not being around as much, but we knew that was not true. The heavy workload only seemed to increase when the relationship was thriving. We were “missed” when things were not going well or ended.

This reminded me of myself. I certainly clung to my past partners and gave up on the idea of friends entirely. It’s healthy to have a friend group. It doesn’t have to be a large circle but someone other than a relative or romantic partner is essential to emotional wellbeing.

If you’re an introvert like me, I can feel your eye roll. I get it, but I urge you to consider ways to make a new connection that isn’t forceful or heavy-handed (ie, sending email, social media, and text blasts to hang out with people you have not spoken to in years). Let it flow naturally and see what comes of it.

That’s what will ultimately last.

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Optimize: Relationships

Hey, Stranger! Hey, Stranger. Hey, Stranger?

It’s that time of year. That awkward text message from an old “friend” that simply says “hey, stranger.” This alleged friend is now nothing more than an unknown phone number. So, what are you supposed to do with that??

I’ll start with my obvious frustration on this topic: the game.

This is when you politely state that you do not have the number saved, so the person decides to turn that into their personal entertainment. Clearly forgetting that they are the stranger.

It goes something like this:

  • Who do you think this is? *Winky face*
  • You don’t have my number saved??
  • Let me give you a hint…

During high school, I might have possibly engaged in responding out of boredom. Now, I either ignore it or block the number. If they truly know who you are, then they’ll figure out another way to reach you in a more appropriate way.

I don’t believe people realize how offensive “hey, stranger” is for the receiver. If you’re at the point that you’re calling someone “stranger,” what you presume is a joking way, then it’s certainly not funny, and you are definitely a stranger.

There are a hundred ways to track someone these days. Receiving this text message is even more demoralizing when you’ve seen this person take the time to post updates to “actual” strangers about work, media, food, relationships, vacations, and other interests.

Am I not as interesting as your bowl of cereal because the sun was shining just right on the table at the time you felt a need to share a photo of it (pouring it out anyway because it’s soggy now)?

Meaning: identify yourself! That simple. If I text someone whom I haven’t communicated with for a long while (months or years), or there wasn’t a [recent] close relationship, then at minimum I close the text with my initials.

I understand that people lose touch when life happens. However, nothing frustrates me more about the “hey, stranger” message than a bad excuse.

  • I’ve been busy
  • I’ve been working
  • I’ve been traveling

I’m just going to call it out. Everyone poops. Someone sending a “let’s catch up” text most likely eats, and sleeps sufficiently. It probably took about 10 seconds or less to write out, voice-to-text, or swipe that text message. If a billionaire CEO can make time, I’m sure little ol’ you can as well.

That being said, let’s hang up the busyness excuse. We’re all “busy,” but most of us want to appear, or simply feel, busier than we actually are.

Make time for your connections. I guarantee you have it. Ten minutes a year (and that’s being generous) is enough time to send a text blast to old friends. If you don’t have a few minutes or seconds for the folks saved in your phone, it’s time to delete them. Only add those that you find worthy of being a contact and reach out every 6-12 months.

It’s a great way to keep current and actually have something real to chat about.

This turns, “how have you been” into “the last time we chatted you mentioned ___, how’s that going?” You can even incorporate the “excuses” above: how was your vacation to __; what happened with that job you applied for?”

Each conversation will build upon the last and leave friends looking forward to hearing from you rather than sending you to voicemail, eye-rolling seeing your name pop up. Purposely asking “who is this?” just so you remember how unimportant you actually are.

Set an annual reminder if you’re truly that busy!

If you have time to send a vague holiday or birthday text once a year, then sending a personalized message any other day of the year when it isn’t so obligatory will add even more value and likely get a genuine response.

Compassion goes far. Slow down for the little things. Or don’t. But you might reflect on that if you make it to a natural old age death.

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Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships

Do You Envy Yourself?

Imagine this: You’re scrolling social media and you see a picture of a person smiling. It’s one of the largest and most alluring smiles you have seen in a long time. The person seems so happy. They must have a perfect life; the setting appears scenic and dreamy. The background is of beautiful trees with vibrant colors, and you think to yourself, I wish that were me. Guess what? It is. It’s a picture of you. How is this possible? You don’t recognize the person reflecting back at you from the computer screen. Who is this being?

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My Personal Optimization, Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships

Shout to the World: I’m Leaving Social Media!

Announcement or Outcry?

Anyone who has been on social media has heard the infamous cringe worthy line “I’m taking a break from social media, I need time to [insert arrogant activity no one cares about].” One week later, “here are all of the pictures from my break, I missed you all!” One week? Does that count? Is that even long enough to regain mental cleansing? I’d also assert that you don’t actually miss anyone who you wouldn’t pick up your phone to call, or even text.

So, why is that attention from strangers or distant acquaintances and relatives so important? That last part reminds me of a pretty significant keyword: relative… relevance. Who doesn’t want to feel relevant to hundreds of people at once? Only to have those same hundred people rip your confidence to shreds simply by not liking or commenting on a photo (I can assure you they all say it, by the way, but many people deal with their own social media anxiety simply by pretending not to be online at all).

I truly do believe that everyone on social media should take “real” breaks. Once a month or longer. If you find yourself frequently glorifying others’ lives, then it’s time for a break. Like yesterday, not today. Two hours ago, not right now!

I do get it. There are several reasons that we turn to social media: boredom, recognition, inclusiveness, [simulated] relationships, entertainment, and so much more. We often turn to it for what’s missing in our lives: love, lust, fulfillment, short interactions, and so on. When we take a “break,” we lose those basic needs (wants, really, that we’ve convinced ourselves we can’t live without) that are missing from real life. That would explain why the relapse is so quick.

If someone truly cares about taking a break from social media, they’d do it. I am by no means saying it’s easy to do so. It does take conditioning to prepare for something you’ve committed to and developed as a habit. This is coming from someone who ditched social media for 6+ years.

Even now, I only have Instagram, which I log into about every few months to look at cute fluffy animals or write something related to nature or blogging; and LinkedIn, which is treading the thin line of shaved ice as becoming a political and Meta cesspool. I’d like to say that’s disappointing, but that’d contribute to my point. Our expectations for social media far exceeds our, or any followers and friends, reality.

Back to the initial question. You know the answer. Think about if you’ve ever made a post about leaving or taking a break from social media. Were you serious or were you counting likes? Did you immediately log off or did you wait intently to receive last minute goodbyes in the comments, only to get a single response from a partner or parent. Did you use that time to rejuvenate and invest in yourself, or did you sneak peek at your local idols from another browser without logging in? It isn’t cheating if you aren’t logged in, right?

Get ahold of yourself! If you can’t text or call them then their fabricated social media lifestyle absolutely does not matter. You 135% got this! I understand that when boredom strikes, it seeps in like a thousand rattlesnake bites. Find your replacement habit. Challenge yourself to something new, or old. How many times did you start something only to stop because you were distracted by social media? Let’s reverse that! Pick up that “something,” and make social media work for your attention! Give yourself a schedule. Commit to an app timer, start small…like, no more than five minutes a day allowed.

That got long-winded, but I’d love to see so many more people realize that social media can be useful to keep in touch, but it can become toxic and obsessive. Find balance. Behind every post is an individual struggling with identity and who they really are. Don’t let the social media escape, trap, consume you.

Dig your way out of that cyber grave and bury that garbage with the very best of you flourishing beautifully on the surface.

Follow me & see you next time!

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Optimize: Work

Is Work the New High School?

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Recently on Linkedin, an interesting topic came up: is it rude for a colleague to allow the door to shut/slam on the person walking in behind him or her, and is it necessary for the person being let in to say a simple “thank you.” Most of the comments said that a person should ever hold a door open, or give acts of kindness for a response in return. I say that is complete gibberish, and people will say anything on a social media platform for a positive response. Those same people defending the lack of workplace etiquette, are the same people who make lengthy Facebook posts about how disrespected they feel in these situations.

It was very much a surprise to see the amount of people who disagree with workplace manners, and creating a toxic environment. Leading up to that conversation, I had a co-worker that would always let the door shut on me. My suggestion in this post, and how I handled it, was that it should be addressed. Too often, we turn to social media to vent about these encounters instead of just speaking up. I can certainly understand the discomfort just about anywhere else, but in the workplace? A professional environment? We’re with these people for most of the day, why should we allow this behavior to exist? Why aren’t we optimizing each others lives?

My biggest workplace frustration has become that work no longer feels like a “safe” place that you think of as a productive second home. Saying “hello,” or waving is equivalent to trying to feed a resistant baby, if you want the pleasantry reciprocated. I make a daily effort to look people in the eye in passing, and speak. Most people in my workplace will look to the floor, wall, at their shoes, phone, even hand, to avoid a human exchange. Can social media really be the blame for this? If someone does speak, at most, a grunt comes out.

I first noticed this changing culture about ten years ago, when I still worked in retail. I smiled at a customer, and I heard him say to his wife “I don’t know why she’s smiling so goofy.” It’s actually a pretty funny comment, now. Then, however, I felt like Bernie Sanders or Joe Biden in that I had not yet caught up with this cultural shift that greetings were being easily misinterpreted. It’s very odd because so many people speak SO loudly with a keyboard. Take that away, and you’re lucky to get the thunder of the emoji eye roll or wink.

About a year ago, I took a poll in something else that I noticed. Many coworkers admitted that they do not participate in holiday greetings (not just religious). They said that they would never tell someone “happy Valentine’s Day” or “Happy Mother’s Day.” I found that very odd, am I alone in this? I asked why, and was told that too many people take it as flirting, or get offended, so they stopped altogether. I asked several age groups. I read an article that shed a little light on this. It’s logic was that you don’t know how such a comment makes a person feel. For example, telling a deeply depressed person Happy Valentine’s Day who just had a bad breakup. Or, saying Happy Mother’s Day to someone who just lost a mom. Of course, you did not know any of that when you said it. I’ve had people say both, but I’ve never been offended by any of that. Even during hard times, but I can see why they would suggest that.

That last one might not seem as much like high school, but it does add to the workplace politics. The rumor mill. Rumors are unethical in every way, and 95% of the time, once you hear it, it is not even close to the original rumor. That game “telephone” is true in more than one way. Unless it comes directly from the source, it is nonsense. Banter. Gossip. That does not take away from the hurt that it causes, the disappointment, and the reason for the behaviors listed above. Who would want to speak to someone that was “heard” saying something bad about them? Who would want to hold the door open for someone they were “told” must like them because they wished a happy holiday? Get it from the source, or get it out of your head, not out of your mouth! Studies have found that it people actually don’t care much about the content of a rumor when it is about them, but they are more bothered that someone is talking about them at all.

That being said:

  • Work is very similar to high school, but you control your cliques.
  • It’s okay to speak in the workplace, everyone does not want to date you.
  • If you have a close enough relationship, you can wish someone a happy holiday/occasion. Use commonsense.
  • Do not spread rumors. They are disgusting, and do not belong at work. You can guess all you want as to how much truth someone is saying, but it’s usually wrong.