Recently on Linkedin, an interesting topic came up: is it rude for a colleague to allow the door to shut/slam on the person walking in behind him or her, and is it necessary for the person being let in to say a simple “thank you.” Most of the comments said that a person should ever hold a door open, or give acts of kindness for a response in return. I say that is complete gibberish, and people will say anything on a social media platform for a positive response. Those same people defending the lack of workplace etiquette, are the same people who make lengthy Facebook posts about how disrespected they feel in these situations.

It was very much a surprise to see the amount of people who disagree with workplace manners, and creating a toxic environment. Leading up to that conversation, I had a co-worker that would always let the door shut on me. My suggestion in this post, and how I handled it, was that it should be addressed. Too often, we turn to social media to vent about these encounters instead of just speaking up. I can certainly understand the discomfort just about anywhere else, but in the workplace? A professional environment? We’re with these people for most of the day, why should we allow this behavior to exist? Why aren’t we optimizing each others lives?

My biggest workplace frustration has become that work no longer feels like a “safe” place that you think of as a productive second home. Saying “hello,” or waving is equivalent to trying to feed a resistant baby, if you want the pleasantry reciprocated. I make a daily effort to look people in the eye in passing, and speak. Most people in my workplace will look to the floor, wall, at their shoes, phone, even hand, to avoid a human exchange. Can social media really be the blame for this? If someone does speak, at most, a grunt comes out.

I first noticed this changing culture about ten years ago, when I still worked in retail. I smiled at a customer, and I heard him say to his wife “I don’t know why she’s smiling so goofy.” It’s actually a pretty funny comment, now. Then, however, I felt like Bernie Sanders or Joe Biden in that I had not yet caught up with this cultural shift that greetings were being easily misinterpreted. It’s very odd because so many people speak SO loudly with a keyboard. Take that away, and you’re lucky to get the thunder of the emoji eye roll or wink.

About a year ago, I took a poll in something else that I noticed. Many coworkers admitted that they do not participate in holiday greetings (not just religious). They said that they would never tell someone “happy Valentine’s Day” or “Happy Mother’s Day.” I found that very odd, am I alone in this? I asked why, and was told that too many people take it as flirting, or get offended, so they stopped altogether. I asked several age groups. I read an article that shed a little light on this. It’s logic was that you don’t know how such a comment makes a person feel. For example, telling a deeply depressed person Happy Valentine’s Day who just had a bad breakup. Or, saying Happy Mother’s Day to someone who just lost a mom. Of course, you did not know any of that when you said it. I’ve had people say both, but I’ve never been offended by any of that. Even during hard times, but I can see why they would suggest that.

That last one might not seem as much like high school, but it does add to the workplace politics. The rumor mill. Rumors are unethical in every way, and 95% of the time, once you hear it, it is not even close to the original rumor. That game “telephone” is true in more than one way. Unless it comes directly from the source, it is nonsense. Banter. Gossip. That does not take away from the hurt that it causes, the disappointment, and the reason for the behaviors listed above. Who would want to speak to someone that was “heard” saying something bad about them? Who would want to hold the door open for someone they were “told” must like them because they wished a happy holiday? Get it from the source, or get it out of your head, not out of your mouth! Studies have found that it people actually don’t care much about the content of a rumor when it is about them, but they are more bothered that someone is talking about them at all.

That being said:

• Work is very similar to high school, but you control your cliques.
• It’s okay to speak in the workplace, everyone does not want to date you.
• If you have a close enough relationship, you can wish someone a happy holiday/occasion. Use commonsense.
• Do not spread rumors. They are disgusting, and do not belong at work. You can guess all you want as to how much truth someone is saying, but it’s usually wrong.