I read this phrase today, “not all wounds are visible,” and it made me think of love. Love is a constant wound that never heals. It just continues to reopen; sometimes slowly, at other times quickly. It’s sometimes painful and at other times we barely feel it. It’s self-inflicted; yet, given by those whom we thought were closest. Why can’t we seem to cure trauma?
Continue reading Not All Wounds Are VisibleTag Archives: Love
Emotional Cheating: The Non-verbal Breakup
We’ve all been in, or know someone who has been, in a relationship with a partner who stands by protecting the platonic relationship because there is no physical attraction or flirtiness allegedly taking place. However, what about the emotional connection with someone else that steals away from your own relationship? How much of that emotional cheating is slowly breaking up with your partner? Let’s evaluate if it’s worth it for either partner.
Continue reading Emotional Cheating: The Non-verbal BreakupLove at First Sight: Genuine Emotion or Shallow Desire?
How many times have you heard the phrase “I knew s/he was the person I would marry when I first saw him/her. It was love at first sight.” Is starting a relationship built upon lust healthy?
Continue reading Love at First Sight: Genuine Emotion or Shallow Desire?
When Do You Pull the Plug?
You’ve been in severe pain and no form of advice, remedies, medication, meditation, or just about anything else seems to help. You feel deceived by all the times you were told everything will be alright; just give it some time, things will get better, and everything will work itself out. More like: things people say when they have nothing to say. It’s much easier to admit that I wish I knew what you were going through. I can listen if you’d like.
Continue reading When Do You Pull the Plug?Meet Shá: Author of “Behind the Fog.”
Travel. Your money will return, your time won’t.
~Unknown.
What are we doing with most of our time? I have to ask myself this a lot, and my conclusion is always, “not enough.” My primary debacle comes from my expectations of others, and expectations of myself. People make it seem that wanting to enjoy your own life is a sin. It is your to do what you please, and live as you wish. I LOVE to travel and explore new places. Primarily “off the beaten path” places that are not tourist hubs. Those can be interesting, but it is not where I would spend most of my trip. This is actually putting my dreams at a slow pace, as I can only take 1-2 vacations per year, which is never nearly enough. As you may have gathered, I love to travel! I want to connect with others who share that passion, and learn more about what those lives are like. I am still discovering a career path that will allow this more.
About five years ago, I had a breakup with my then boyfriend. After that moment, I was introduced to online dating, something I was completely opposed to, in what I found to be the most rational sense. There were several things that I learned from that relationship, as we all do, but mostly that online does offer the opportunity to say upfront exactly what you want before the date. Of course, people tend to fudge who they are for the sake of a simple reply, but I was hopeful that my profile would be boring enough to attract similar personalities. It worked, to some degree, but I was flooded with responses from [literally] hundreds of men because of my “good girl” demeanor. I will get more into this in the future, but my point is that I wanted to find someone who shared my love for travel, and “the little things.”
I ultimately did begin dating someone, who I am still with, but we have different interests in our preferences, that we are always talking through to understand each other more. He loves to learn, and I love to travel. The only way for our worlds to meet is by me learning while traveling. I do not find reading a textbook or sitting in front of a computer to be fulfilling or compelling; that is my day job. I don’t just want to read about it, I want to see it, and touch it, whenever possible. I want to deeply feel it, and not just have an interesting fact to share during conversations with friends or strangers.
I want to share experiences, not knowledge that is useless until a lunch date. I am a visual learner, so show me don’t tell me. A 2013 survey by the US Travel Association found that 94% of couples that travel together felt closer, as opposed to 86% of couples that did not feel closer and didn’t travel together. The survey found that most of couples who traveled found this to be a bond to “spend alone time together” and “are more likely to communicate well.” The survey linked the below statistics to igniting intimacy, long-term benefits, and maintaining a relationship.
- 86% of travelers believe romance is still alive.
- 63% rate vacation as important to sparking romance.
- 68% found travel necessary to maintaining a healthy relationship.
I, too, agree with these facts for the same reason that I agree with the concept of the holidays that we all hate. Yes, it has become commercial propaganda, but the initial reasons (if you ever have time to look up why some of these were created) had good intentions.
I have been off of social media for about four years now, but the main thing I hated to read was “I treat her like the queen she is every day, but Happy Mother’s Day to my wife.” You and your wife both know that isn’t true, and holidays are just a reminder of the things we tend to forget. For the 1% that don’t put on a sham, kudos! If you are opposed to holidays, then choose another day each month or every few months just to treat someone special that you would otherwise forget I will share in the future what we have done to get around this obstacle). It isn’t often that a partner sends flowers, or gives roses until said holidays arrive.
Traveling is a great way to fill in those gaps. It is a way to bond when life gets in the way of that closeness, and it is truly the only way that you can focus on each other with no distractions. You can attempt to do this from home, but often times something else comes up (television, video games, cooking for lunch/dinner & not pleasure or a romantic evening, cleaning, emails, and all of the other unsexy things that we do each day). I fully support and commend couples that have discovered this secret, and made it work for them. In a future post, I will talk about what it has been like to be in a relationship when that passion for something isn’t fully shared. He does enjoy our trips when we do go, but it isn’t high on his priority list, as it is for me.
Travel has transformed me. It is a relief drug. It drives me to an all-time high. As much as I love to travel, it does not define me wholly. When I am not able to travel, I love to be outdoors, especially in nature.
Nature is like a home vacation. I am always looking for new places, and things to do. Luckily, this is something that is a necessity for us both in my relationship. The sound, smell, and identity of nature, all of it stimulates me. In particular, I enjoy the sight of water. This may seem odd, but it is so invigorating and captivating. Enough adjectives, but I hope you can understand and relate the feelings that it brings me. I have an obsession with everything water: waterfalls, rivers, oceans, rain, streams, the toilet flushing, the faucet running, and on and on. It’s a quirk of my personality, and waterfalls are a must-see when I visit any place. I sleep to the sound of water each night with an app. These are the main things that bring me calmness and joy.
I have watched several relatives get older in their long-term relationships, and begin making travel plans or trying new things after the kids are older. Why wait until you are frail, slow, sick, insecure (I am not saying that is the case with everyone, but in this case, they are). I refuse to let life pass me by, and I continue to seek adventure! Once the last trip ends, planning for the next is in full swing. I have always hoped to share that with someone special.
A few other fun facts about me: I will mention my boyfriend often, and we are deciding if we should begin a YouTube channel together, as another platform to bring us closer. We have a lot of candid moments that could bring happiness to others.I enjoy independent films that relate to me, or real life in general.
My favorite animal is the elephant, but I also love cats, horses, and small dogs . I don’t have a typical “favorite” color, if at all, but if I had to choose, it would be brown, orange, or blueish. As mentioned, I love to make and try new foods, but mostly for others to try it (i.e. my boyfriend or parents). I am not a huge fan of music (that does not mean I do not enjoy it), but when I do listen, I like very melancholic or dramatic sounds. I have wanted to learn the guitar for a few years, but my motivation has not been strong enough to remain consistent. Each time I hear an acoustic riff, I begin to research chords again. I haven’t given up on it completely, but I just need to find a balance of practice.
The majority (if not all) pictures on my site are mine or belong to my partner, using the Google Pixel (1 & 2). I try to avoid any pictures that aren’t, but if I do use something from another person, it will be credited as such, and clearly stated. Each blog will be a new learning experience, as this is uncharted territory.
I have put off blogging for a few years, but have been adding to my outline of it for the same amount of time. I am ready to share my progress, and stick with it! I think of blogging as a safe place to share thoughts, ideas, and honesty.
Blogging is an escape from the “real” world. It is nice to be able to share things with others’ who may have the same feelings. Things that a relative or person in everyday life will never understand. We can all optimize each others lives by keeping our “social” [media] selves honest. I look forward to exploring, optimizing together! I do not want to become quickly jaded, so I am still working on my plan to hold myself accountable. There’s so much more to tell! But, I will save the rest for the blog. Thanks for reading, and until next time…
What is My Motivation?
I am still figuring that out, and there is no shame in that.
I was recently asked, “what motivates you?” “Don’t you have anything that makes you feel calm?” The truth is, I once did, and now I am in the process of rediscovering that “something.” I used to be able to say “I love horror fiction, writing, reading, watching independent films, and human resources.” While most of this is still true, it isn’t in the same light that it was. My entire life was built upon what can I do to add to my resume next? I would join college organizations, volunteer to help people, and work on internships. Was any of this defining me, or was I simply living up to what society’s standards are of what a “good” person should feel.
In high school, I was still under the impression that “you can be anything that you set your mind to.” If only I knew how true that wasn’t. I do not want that to come off as negative, but there is certainly fine print in it, which is never mentioned. No one told me that if I wanted to be a writer then my script would need to fall in the lap of the right publisher. No one mentioned that if I wanted to write films then I would need to move to Hollywood to become recognized. No one brought up that you will need to apply for 100 jobs, and be lucky if you get five call backs, and one interview. It’s so much easier to give advice with no real solutions. We’re so used to asking “how are you?” Yet, we’re never prepared for, “I’m not doing well.” The response next is usually, “that’s too bad, I hope you feel better.” Carry on. It’s a bit difficult to get motivated when people only want to hear the good, but don’t care much about the bad if it’s anything other than just hearing about the problem.
I’ve discovered that travel is what motivates me most. It isn’t just about getting away from the depression of the job I’m stuck in, or having a routine life, but new things excite me in an indescribable way. There are so many things out there that I know exist, but have never seen. I have read about, and have written about, but how do I know it is really there? Of course, I know it is there because hundreds of people have done the same. But those things haven’t been seen with these eyes. There is no fear in personal fulfillment, and travel is mine.
Travel allows us to experience a new culture, and see things from a new perspective. This doesn’t have to be anything that cost an abundance of money, either. You can travel right from your hometown. There are so many things right where we are that we don’t know exist. Only a few months ago, I discovered that we have an underground cave with rock climbing! That one obviously cost money, but we also found a really neat dam not far from my job that was a replica of my passion for waterfalls. Nature is my second love to travel, particularly scenes of water. I also really enjoy trying new foods, so I am always looking up new recipes and buying a new seasoning that I didn’t know existed. This doesn’t always turn out as planned, but I do enjoy it for the sake of letting others’ try something new that I made.
I still enjoy reading, but not like I once did. In high school, you could not catch me without a book or journal in hand. It wasn’t until I got to college that I realized it wasn’t as enjoyable as it once was. That was scary. Why? Because if I was no longer the reader, the writer, the girl with potential, then who was I? Even now, I know for certain that I am not the 9-5 type, and I would do perfectly well on a secluded island that is technology free. As long as I am surrounded by water, large trees, and people (optional, I am comfortable being alone) who appreciate nature in the same way, then the world would be perfect.
That being said, knowing that there is so much out there that is yet to be experienced, discovered, is what motivates me. Knowing that there is more out there than financial gain, and that there might still be good people out there who also appreciate culture. When I was young, I wanted to be an archaeologist so bad. I was told by my father that it would be a horrible career move because we were not in a position that I could travel or make any real money from it. If only I were more educated on what that meant, then I would have ignored him and went for it. I took it so seriously that I started to study hieroglyphs, and actually got really good at it, before giving up and living down to my ability. I still love everything about ancient [Egyptian] culture, and would love to learn the things that I was deterred from. I no longer remember much of what I studied, and I am not using any of my college degree’s towards anything meaningful, so I may as well have went the direction of something I loved.
While I know that I can’t just go out and become an archaeologist now, and I know for sure now that HR is not an option for me, I am still figuring myself out. I want to be able to love something for no other reason than simply loving it. Not for money, or because the hours or benefits are great and I might be lucky enough to get two weeks of vacation off if I save it well enough, but because I truly have a drive for it. I will continue to reflect on this.
Background on the picture above.
The picture above was taken during an exploration of looking for fireworks on the fourth of July. We were trying to find the highest point in our city that would offer the best view. While we never did find a “great” spot, the journey to do so was much more exhilarating. We found a marsh (these are so fascinating), what looked like a secret government spot, and a ton of hazard/KEEP OUT signs. But, all in good fun!
Behind the Fog: The Peaks & Valleys of Life. 
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