Tag Archives: Reflection

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents: Review

To some degree, this book isn’t really about “emotionally immature” parents but simply about… parents. I’d argue that first time parents are automatically classified under this group regardless of background, status, or demographic.

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Left or Right: What Can We Learn About Limitarianism?

This is a very interesting topic that explores economics in a new way. The basic concept is to take from the rich and give to the poor, but a step further. Allowing everyone to be millionaires by capping how much everyone has.

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“It’s Too Late.” Says Who?

I’ve always been a bit introverted. I strongly believe that everyone has some level of being ambiverted. I had an ex who told me that it was too late for me to make friends. This was while I was a non-traditional college student trying my best to make connections. I believed him.

This caused me to latch on strongly to relationships because I felt that was all I had. I’ve only recently realized how untrue that was.

I admit, it was hard for me to find friends in high school or college who I connected with on a deeper level due to past trauma. I didn’t trust many people, and I still don’t. But, everyone is not the enemy. Everyone is not “fake” with false motives. Moreover, you can make friends with shared interests as an adult.

Granted, it does take effort and initiative. I felt a bit lost at first while I was single. I tried random events, forums, outings, etc. in my quest to develop something. Eventually, it did work!

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I gained a close friend group who I care about and vice versa. It made me realize the importance of “friends” and who will be there during the ups and downs.

I had a chat with one of those friends recently about how often this can also backfire. There is a particular friend who always disappears while in a relationship and returns when things don’t work out. It’s noticeable.

At some point, people will give up on you as being a genuine person. You will have no one to turn to once it fails (this does not mean that it will). However, I believe you should give 6 months to a year in a romantic relationship before you begin to prioritize your relationship over your friends. Even then, it is to balance your time with both.

The friend mentioned above blamed “work” as the reason for not being around as much, but we knew that was not true. The heavy workload only seemed to increase when the relationship was thriving. We were “missed” when things were not going well or ended.

This reminded me of myself. I certainly clung to my past partners and gave up on the idea of friends entirely. It’s healthy to have a friend group. It doesn’t have to be a large circle but someone other than a relative or romantic partner is essential to emotional wellbeing.

If you’re an introvert like me, I can feel your eye roll. I get it, but I urge you to consider ways to make a new connection that isn’t forceful or heavy-handed (ie, sending email, social media, and text blasts to hang out with people you have not spoken to in years). Let it flow naturally and see what comes of it.

That’s what will ultimately last.

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What Version of Yourself Do You Truly Know?

Does it surprise you that an algorithm knows you better than you know yourself?

Years ago Netflix had a comments/star system. This was eventually transitioned to the like or dislike option. Why? Because Netflix wanted to collect data about what we say we like and what we actually like. What you say you like (media added to your “list”) is a version that you’ve created of yourself. You’ve added this to your list because you want this to be part of your identity.

The truth, however, is that 90% of us add items to our list that remain there never to be viewed. Ever. This is all speculation, of course. Again, just an example.

This exists in other ways: clothing bought but never worn; food purchased that expires; exercise equipment/gym membership that never gets used; saved phone numbers that never get called. All of these things make us feel better about ourselves in one way or another. It gives the id the ego boost that we’re doing right by the world because what kind of person would you be if you didn’t have educational documentaries saved to your stream list, healthy foods in the fridge, or the phone number of Grandma Annie?

I don’t want to get too off base here. The point is what we say we like/want/need and what we actually like/want/need differ substantially. Even while alone, we turn into a different version of ourselves every few seconds. In addition, when we encounter new people, familiar people, and known people, those are all a version that both of you have created at that moment. These versions are stacked away in our memories and locked for future use.

This is the reason why criminal justice hypnotists are able to pull that information out so easily when witnesses assume they have no memory of a person or event.

In addition, what can we make of coincidences? This could be the two worlds (or infinite worlds) for each person connecting in some way. We may experience this as déjà vu in our current reality but in a different world. Imagine how many times you have visited somewhere new but everything felt so familiar. Perhaps you have been there before but not in this reality.

The butterfly effect is another consideration. Say you trip while walking in one world and that triggers foot pain in another, or closing your eyes for sleep in one world might cause the loss of eyesight in another. What if you die in the current reality which causes sleep paralysis in another. Sure, this might all seem crazy or extreme but the concept itself is supernatural and fantastical.

Could dreams or nightmares also have a connection to these experiences? This might be another way that the worlds collide. We often see “strangers” in our dreams, or what we think of as strangers. Going back to the above point about what version others see of us, these are likely people we have encountered over time that have been remembered in our subconscious.

That lady at the grocery store whom you “think” you didn’t notice is actually part of those locked away memories that don’t get revised except in our dreams. There are times when someone looks familiar but we cannot pinpoint why. It’s that familiarity again because we have likely seen this person in our current or alternate reality. Humans can’t fully trust memories in an obvious way. Consider the Mandela Effect. That answers many of these questions for us.

What version are you and what version do you want to be? Which version has control and which version is toxic?

We create these “versions” without knowing that it’s even happening. Think about everyday tasks. At the grocery store, you may see about 20-50 people that visit and interact with one. However, every person that you’ve made eye contact with (or even glimpsed at) has already locked you away in their subconscious. They may revisit this experience days from now or years later based on a trigger. That could be a smell, a color, or an event.

With so many variations, how could it be possible to identify with any of them? Which parts of the psyche do we invent and which parts are organic? Which parts are completely hallucinatory?

When we think of this in terms of alternate realities and there being hundreds or thousands or millions of universes and forms of ourselves, we think of a physical entity. However, if these variants exist in millions of thoughts, where does that leave this “knowing” or Truth?

I can’t imagine that there is a resolution to these questions. Not a logical perspective that our current minds can comprehend in the now. Or, there could be an infinite quantity of answers. At minimum, it induces reflection.

…which version of yourself is reflecting? Which version is accepting? Which version is dismissive?

What are your thoughts? Have you “felt” other versions of yourself exists?

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Consciousness First-time Visit: Part II

Reflecting on philosophy is a challenge for those who aren’t familiar with the concept (at a high level). I’m still navigating putting my thoughts together without feeling judged by those who study philosophy relentlessly. Nietzsche didn’t care, so why should I? In Part I of my reflection I first dove into several questions that came to me as I read Beyond Good and Evil by Friedrich Nietzsche (1886).

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Consciousness First-time Visit: Are We All Optical Illusions? Part I

Have you ever read something so thought-provoking that it caused you to question everything? I’m sure the answer is yes, but what’s more is that upon this reflection, you have no answers. There are tools and resources that point us in the right direction, but every person will interpret the information differently. These questions are nothing new, but there will be a contrary answer for each individual mind. Here are the questions that came up during a reflection of mine, and that I plan to answer in a future post.

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The Comfort Book by Matt Haig: Comforting or Nonsense?

Matt Haig is well recognized for his bestseller The Midnight Library (2020) which includes the serious topic of contemplating suicide. He’s written other books that touch on this very subject, as he has experienced the negative thoughts of self-destruction himself. The Comfort Book asserts to provide an authentic perspective that is motivating and genuine for those in similar positions, but how real are these words of solace for those with dark intentions?

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Romance Yourself

Treat yourself as if you already are enough. Walk as if you are enough. Eat as if you are enough. See, look, listen as if you are enough. Because it’s true.
When was the last time you bought yourself something for a reason? Meaning, giving yourself a reward for a job well done. Adding incentives to those mini wins. 
 
It’s something I haven’t done enough. It’s encouraged by just about every habit book out there. We say that sounds like a great idea, I should start doing that. Then we don’t. 
 
Part of the problem is that we feel guilty about celebrating our wins. Giving oneself kudos feels like bragging about your accomplishments, which somehow rubs others the wrong way. This is also the issue. When we share with someone, we want them to say the typical well-done, pat on the back, and ice cream of your choice before it’s forgotten. But, you haven’t forgotten. Now you’re more frustrated that you aren’t being celebrated more. 
 
So? Celebrate yourself! Think of just five wins that you’ve had today, even if it hasn’t been the best day. Here are a few of mine: 
  • Started a new book and read over 30 pages; increased my daily reading goal to 60 pages. 
  • Completed a yoga class twice in one week. 
  • Completed all of the chores that I’ve put off from the previous week. 
  • Posted a review to my book club chat. 
  • Found a new strategy at work to make things more efficient. 
The points above are just about meaningless to anyone that just read it. BUT, they are all big and little achievements to me. It certainly is nice for someone to acknowledge that these things are important to me, but I’d have to also expect the same in return. Everyone has some sort of list of wins. 
 
Reflect on what yours are. What is one thing from that list that could be improved? Try it out, and reward yourself for implementation, effort, and consistency. 
 
It doesn’t have to cost money, either. Reward yourself with something that you never do, but have wanted to. For me, I love being outdoors (I do hate the cold, though!). A reward could be going for a short walk. Actually, going for the walk would be another win, as that is something I want more of in my routine. 
 
Your turn! Write out five wins from the day, and five inexpensive wins you could treat yourself with. 

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Why the Rush?

“Live in the moment” might be cliché, but let’s not rush the moment.

You’re driving at normal speed, and the person behind you proceeds to tailgate, presumably because you are driving too slow. This individual begins to flash headlights and honk before aggressively speeding around and making a quick exit. You notice the person speeds right into the parking lot of…fast food. So, what was the rush? A crying baby? An emergency?

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