Category Archives: Optimize: Work

Optimize: Work

Duped on the Promotion? Give In, Give Up, or Get Out!

How many times has a promotion come up at your job that was given to someone else? You put in the years, the extra hours, and the loyalty; yet, it went to a recent hire who is less qualified. What can you do about it?

Most of the time, we walk around angry, frustrated, and confused. At some point, you must make a decision about what the future holds without waiting for someone higher to give us permission to grow. What is the best choice?

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Optimize: Work

Is “Hoarding” PTO Cheating the System?

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The great paid time off (PTO) debate, here we are again, alas. I’ve read more and more articles about managers “forcing” employees to take PTO to “help” their mental health. Yet,

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Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships, Optimize: Work

Mocking Facial Expressions: It Might Just Change Your Day!

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I recently came across a really cool technique while I was feeling down. I’d learned from this approach that it surprisingly worked, and quickly! It seemed a bit goofy at the moment, but after trying it, I found it extremely therapeutic. The nice part is it can be done from anywhere and does not require much. Try it out; only a few minutes of your time is needed!

Continue reading Mocking Facial Expressions: It Might Just Change Your Day! →
My Personal Optimization, Optimize: Relationships, Optimize: Work

Doubt Words: What Are Those?

Self-doubt is the negativity that we harshly express toward ourselves, but this can easily rub off on others. We talk ourselves out of our own capabilities, and in turn, by sharing this with others, they begin to question their own ability. How common is this? In particular, in the workplace or at home.

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Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships, Optimize: Work

Is It Rude to Send a Surprise Package During the Holiday Season?

It’s a time of appreciation! Right? Realistically, however, the standard holiday has changed drastically. Many people can travel without informing a relative or employer.

No one is opposed to gifts, generally. Until it’s unexpected and becomes a burden. Many people have non-traditional living situations. This might be that you travel a lot due to remote work, or staying between two homes if you split the time with a partner, or maybe you take care of a relative so many days per week.

The conundrum is that people become overly giving this time of year without casually checking first. I’m certainly not saying you should share these details, but I do think if someone is sending you something, then it’s helpful to pass along that information first.

Just today I received a Christmas card in the mail. It read something to the effect of, I saw your social media post and wanted to see how you were doing. I hope things are going well with you and the kids. I’m not on social media (expect #Wordpress), and I do not have kids. The card was not for me, I realized.

It’s a kind gesture, but based on the language used it became clear that this was written by someone who had not seen or heard from this person for a very long time. Perhaps reaching out for a current address to confirm that it’d be okay to send “something.”

I have noticed this a lot with jobs. Instead of checking with employees about a “mailing address,” they rely on poorly developed payroll management software that will only allow a “living address” for the purpose of taxes.

So, here you are 90 miles away and see a #Slack that Christmas gifts are being sent out and you will receive them by XYZ date. It is two-day shipping. Now, you have to scramble to find someone to run to get it if you’re in an apartment or area that is easily viewed from a distance.

At a minimum, the sender should send a tracking number. I hope this doesn’t come off as self-absorbed. This applies to those working in an office setting, generally, but also distant friends and relatives that may not be familiar with your situation.

The only point that I am making is just to check in with someone. I’m sure they’d appreciate hearing from you much more than receiving a gift, anyhow. Mental health can dry up this time of year, and it always helps to know someone is thinking of you, not just throwing money at you as means of expressing care.

Continue to express gratitude! Just be sure to revert back to the traditional verbal (not virtual) hello every once in a while.

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Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships, Optimize: Work

Have Requests Become Demands?

What does it mean to be selfish? Are we able to identify the difference between being selfish, setting expectations, and being unreasonable? When does our personal wants, not to be confused with needs, become demands? Do our “requests” become expectations?

Think of each time that you have asked someone a yes or no question about a request. These are nearly always not an actual request, but a demand. How so? If the answer is anything other than “no” then it immediately becomes negativity and disappointment. Is this fair to the person you’re asking?

I’m not referring to small, daily requests like can you pass the remote? But, actual impactful requests like would you mind picking me up grapes from the grocery store? Generally, we don’t actually care why the answer is no, but we express our frustration with a somber tone that relays that to the other person. Which either forces them to rethink the response or immediately turn defensive about proving the logic behind the decision.

However, it is unlikely that any explanation will not be accepted, unless it’s something very dramatic. Given the example above, the “approval” of rejection will be accepted if the person finds the “excuse” to be justified.

If you say you don’t want to pick up grapes because you don’t feel like leaving the house today would likely be met with an eye roll. If you add on that you had a really bad day work then acceptance creeps back. But if you add that you’re going to play video games to eliminate the tension then disapproval is back again.

“I feel bad that you’re having a bad day BUT you’d rather play video games than grab me grapes from the store after I asked kindly? How selfish!”

A person is entitled to say no, but we’ve been conditioned to associate the word “no” with something bad at an early age. Therefore, it is an expectation to say yes to everything to remain polite, or we’re perceived as just being rude. This is unacceptable mainly because if we begin saying yes to things we don’t actually agree with or want to do then we’re sour about it the entire time and either resent the person for “forcing” us into it or hold them accountable for owing us something.

It’s become so ingrained that it can even have a reverse effect when we do want to do something nice. For example, “do you want me to order us some food?” Most people would say yes and find this thoughtful, until: how do you want to split it? Womp womp. If you’re this person, you should either be the person to pay, or add that in the initial question: I was thinking about ordering some food, would you like to go in half on something? This avoids upfront awkwardness.

We should treat every query as if the answer will be no, not the other way around. If you truly want to know why the answer was no, then whatever answer is given should not be followed by another question to get the person to uncomfortably change their mind, but respect their decision and right to say no, even if it is something as simple as picking up something from the store.

Reframing our minds can put us in the mindset to get comfortable with rejection. I would not equate this to lowering expectations, but acceptance. That does not mean we should not ask questions at all, but think about the question and if you are asking for clarification or if you are asking to prompt a different response. If the latter, then start with this instead. Begin with an honest reason for the question, not cornering someone until they give you what you want.

It can be frustrating when this happens to us. To keep the conversation friendly and productive, evaluate the risks, and respond accordingly.

Getting the answer you want isn’t always worth it. If you do get a no, start off with appreciation, followed by your explanation for asking, and realistically, why you are unable to do this alone or yourself. Expressing gratitude may just get the person to switch anyway, but that should not be the end goal.

People like to feel needed, not used. Think about it the next time you ask for help with something. Have a backup plan if you do get a no, and be respectful of their service if they say yes. It’ll make you both feel better at the moment, and the next time either person needs a favor!

I hope to “see” you next time!

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Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships, Optimize: Work

One Moment: I’m Busy With My Busyness

The infamous, “I’ve been busy.” The phrase we all hate to hear, but the number one expression we love to use- in times of need. 

What is busyness? It’s just as it sounds, staying busy.  However, it has become more and more abused, and a top excuse for those who want to appear busy. 


I am certainly not saying people don’t get busy, but I am saying being busy is circumstantial. Just about any customer-focused professional knows that this is the number one excuse. In some regard, it also makes the person saying it feel more powerful, useful even. It gives the entitlement that someone needs you in the world, and that has made you too needed for *insert friend, relative, tasks here.* 


Let’s think about all of the things that we’re not too busy with: eating, social media, intimacy, games, travel, going out (these are only examples, and completely biased). Our busyness usually comes into full swing when it’s something we absolutely dread that we will have to become busy with, even if it only lasts a matter of seconds or minutes. 


Think of the last time someone has said this to you. What were you asking of them? What was the reason?  It could be the most basic requests (in your mind): 

  • How have you been? 
  • How is work going? 
  • I haven’t heard from you for a while? 
  • You didn’t call me back…
  • How is that project you were working on? 
  • What about those goals you set two years ago? 
  • Checking in on a relative…
  • When will you be finishing that book you started? 
  • …this list could go on forever. Everyone reading this has 10 more things to add for every sentence that was read. 

Are these excuses, genuine, insecurity, neediness (feeling important at the moment), or deception? 


Start by asking yourself how quickly you answered the question with a “busy” reply. For example: How have you been? Just busy, as always. How so? Work, you know, the usual. How is work keeping you busy? Well, it’s work…the usual. 

If work is the usual, should that even be part of your busyness? That’s an expectation. What about after work? What about when you sit on the toilet for 10 minutes with a phone in your hand scrolling Facebook?

What about while you’re waiting for the pot to boil for your pot of noodles? Or, waiting for the gas to finish pumping? These are all moments, even if small, that could be used to reach out to a friend, relative, or read something engaging instead of…scrolling. *cringe* 


Something I have incorporated into my routine more is reading. Not regular reading, because I read a LOT, but the moments when your brain is turned off. I found myself awake at night unable to sleep and…scrolling. There was nothing engaging about these articles, the news, and I’m not on social media. I installed a game, but it did not fulfill me. 


So, if I love reading, why only do it when the lights are on. I could use that time for something beneficial. I downloaded eBooks (audiobooks could work as well if you are into that), and I considered this a nighttime read. Even if I really enjoyed the book, I would only read it when I knew I would be awake at night. 


I also used this time to schedule text messages or chats. Of course, you do not want to randomly text someone at 2 a.m. So, if there was someone on my mind I scheduled the message to send during regular hours. That way, busyness is not intercepting as an excuse, as you are already awake. Do something productive! 


Instead of thinking about all of the things you could be doing, do them! This could even help you get back to sleep. Clean, cook, all of the things you are too busy for, but society says you should only do during certain times of the day. 


Own your busyness! If you are going to be busy, truly be busy! Do not excuse yourself from the people that are important or the goals you could have achieved months ago. At least try it before deciding you aren’t capable of it. I’d say give it a minimum of seven consecutive days before giving up (don’t be a giver-upper!). 


I do hope you start this challenge with me, or at least really think about that response before you ever say it to someone again. The next time someone says it to you, challenge them about their busyness (again, they may be truly busy). If it is an auto-reply, it is probably not authentic.  


Happy reading (or whatever you choose to fulfill those little moments)! 

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My Personal Optimization, Optimize: Work

What is My Motivation?

I am still figuring that out, and there is no shame in that.

I was recently asked, “what motivates you?” “Don’t you have anything that makes you feel calm?” The truth is, I once did, and now I am in the process of rediscovering that “something.” I used to be able to say “I love horror fiction, writing, reading, watching independent films, and human resources.” While most of this is still true, it isn’t in the same light that it was. My entire life was built upon what can I do to add to my resume next? I would join college organizations, volunteer to help people, and work on internships. Was any of this defining me, or was I simply living up to what society’s standards are of what a “good” person should feel.

In high school, I was still under the impression that “you can be anything that you set your mind to.” If only I knew how true that wasn’t. I do not want that to come off as negative, but there is certainly fine print in it, which is never mentioned. No one told me that if I wanted to be a writer then my script would need to fall in the lap of the right publisher. No one mentioned that if I wanted to write films then I would need to move to Hollywood to become recognized. No one brought up that you will need to apply for 100 jobs, and be lucky if you get five call backs, and one interview. It’s so much easier to give advice with no real solutions. We’re so used to asking “how are you?” Yet, we’re never prepared for, “I’m not doing well.” The response next is usually, “that’s too bad, I hope you feel better.” Carry on. It’s a bit difficult to get motivated when people only want to hear the good, but don’t care much about the bad if it’s anything other than just hearing about the problem.

I’ve discovered that travel is what motivates me most. It isn’t just about getting away from the depression of the job I’m stuck in, or having a routine life, but new things excite me in an indescribable way. There are so many things out there that I know exist, but have never seen. I have read about, and have written about, but how do I know it is really there? Of course, I know it is there because hundreds of people have done the same. But those things haven’t been seen with these eyes. There is no fear in personal fulfillment, and travel is mine.

Travel allows us to experience a new culture, and see things from a new perspective. This doesn’t have to be anything that cost an abundance of money, either. You can travel right from your hometown. There are so many things right where we are that we don’t know exist. Only a few months ago, I discovered that we have an underground cave with rock climbing! That one obviously cost money, but we also found a really neat dam not far from my job that was a replica of my passion for waterfalls. Nature is my second love to travel, particularly scenes of water. I also really enjoy trying new foods, so I am always looking up new recipes and buying a new seasoning that I didn’t know existed. This doesn’t always turn out as planned, but I do enjoy it for the sake of letting others’ try something new that I made.

I still enjoy reading, but not like I once did. In high school, you could not catch me without a book or journal in hand. It wasn’t until I got to college that I realized it wasn’t as enjoyable as it once was. That was scary. Why? Because if I was no longer the reader, the writer, the girl with potential, then who was I? Even now, I know for certain that I am not the 9-5 type, and I would do perfectly well on a secluded island that is technology free. As long as I am surrounded by water, large trees, and people (optional, I am comfortable being alone) who appreciate nature in the same way, then the world would be perfect.

That being said, knowing that there is so much out there that is yet to be experienced, discovered, is what motivates me. Knowing that there is more out there than financial gain, and that there might still be good people out there who also appreciate culture. When I was young, I wanted to be an archaeologist so bad. I was told by my father that it would be a horrible career move because we were not in a position that I could travel or make any real money from it. If only I were more educated on what that meant, then I would have ignored him and went for it. I took it so seriously that I started to study hieroglyphs, and actually got really good at it, before giving up and living down to my ability. I still love everything about ancient [Egyptian] culture, and would love to learn the things that I was deterred from. I no longer remember much of what I studied, and I am not using any of my college degree’s towards anything meaningful, so I may as well have went the direction of something I loved.

While I know that I can’t just go out and become an archaeologist now, and I know for sure now that HR is not an option for me, I am still figuring myself out. I want to be able to love something for no other reason than simply loving it. Not for money, or because the hours or benefits are great and I might be lucky enough to get two weeks of vacation off if I save it well enough, but because I truly have a drive for it. I will continue to reflect on this. 

Background on the picture above.

The picture above was taken during an exploration of looking for fireworks on the fourth of July. We were trying to find the highest point in our city that would offer the best view. While we never did find a “great” spot, the journey to do so was much more exhilarating. We found a marsh (these are so fascinating), what looked like a secret government spot, and a ton of hazard/KEEP OUT signs. But, all in good fun!

Optimize: Work

Is Work the New High School?

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Recently on Linkedin, an interesting topic came up: is it rude for a colleague to allow the door to shut/slam on the person walking in behind him or her, and is it necessary for the person being let in to say a simple “thank you.” Most of the comments said that a person should ever hold a door open, or give acts of kindness for a response in return. I say that is complete gibberish, and people will say anything on a social media platform for a positive response. Those same people defending the lack of workplace etiquette, are the same people who make lengthy Facebook posts about how disrespected they feel in these situations.

It was very much a surprise to see the amount of people who disagree with workplace manners, and creating a toxic environment. Leading up to that conversation, I had a co-worker that would always let the door shut on me. My suggestion in this post, and how I handled it, was that it should be addressed. Too often, we turn to social media to vent about these encounters instead of just speaking up. I can certainly understand the discomfort just about anywhere else, but in the workplace? A professional environment? We’re with these people for most of the day, why should we allow this behavior to exist? Why aren’t we optimizing each others lives?

My biggest workplace frustration has become that work no longer feels like a “safe” place that you think of as a productive second home. Saying “hello,” or waving is equivalent to trying to feed a resistant baby, if you want the pleasantry reciprocated. I make a daily effort to look people in the eye in passing, and speak. Most people in my workplace will look to the floor, wall, at their shoes, phone, even hand, to avoid a human exchange. Can social media really be the blame for this? If someone does speak, at most, a grunt comes out.

I first noticed this changing culture about ten years ago, when I still worked in retail. I smiled at a customer, and I heard him say to his wife “I don’t know why she’s smiling so goofy.” It’s actually a pretty funny comment, now. Then, however, I felt like Bernie Sanders or Joe Biden in that I had not yet caught up with this cultural shift that greetings were being easily misinterpreted. It’s very odd because so many people speak SO loudly with a keyboard. Take that away, and you’re lucky to get the thunder of the emoji eye roll or wink.

About a year ago, I took a poll in something else that I noticed. Many coworkers admitted that they do not participate in holiday greetings (not just religious). They said that they would never tell someone “happy Valentine’s Day” or “Happy Mother’s Day.” I found that very odd, am I alone in this? I asked why, and was told that too many people take it as flirting, or get offended, so they stopped altogether. I asked several age groups. I read an article that shed a little light on this. It’s logic was that you don’t know how such a comment makes a person feel. For example, telling a deeply depressed person Happy Valentine’s Day who just had a bad breakup. Or, saying Happy Mother’s Day to someone who just lost a mom. Of course, you did not know any of that when you said it. I’ve had people say both, but I’ve never been offended by any of that. Even during hard times, but I can see why they would suggest that.

That last one might not seem as much like high school, but it does add to the workplace politics. The rumor mill. Rumors are unethical in every way, and 95% of the time, once you hear it, it is not even close to the original rumor. That game “telephone” is true in more than one way. Unless it comes directly from the source, it is nonsense. Banter. Gossip. That does not take away from the hurt that it causes, the disappointment, and the reason for the behaviors listed above. Who would want to speak to someone that was “heard” saying something bad about them? Who would want to hold the door open for someone they were “told” must like them because they wished a happy holiday? Get it from the source, or get it out of your head, not out of your mouth! Studies have found that it people actually don’t care much about the content of a rumor when it is about them, but they are more bothered that someone is talking about them at all.

That being said:

  • Work is very similar to high school, but you control your cliques.
  • It’s okay to speak in the workplace, everyone does not want to date you.
  • If you have a close enough relationship, you can wish someone a happy holiday/occasion. Use commonsense.
  • Do not spread rumors. They are disgusting, and do not belong at work. You can guess all you want as to how much truth someone is saying, but it’s usually wrong.