Imagine this: You’re scrolling social media and you see a picture of a person smiling. It’s one of the largest and most alluring smiles you have seen in a long time. The person seems so happy. They must have a perfect life; the setting appears scenic and dreamy. The background is of beautiful trees with vibrant colors, and you think to yourself, I wish that were me. Guess what? It is. It’s a picture of you. How is this possible? You don’t recognize the person reflecting back at you from the computer screen. Who is this being?

Virtually, we can be 100% whomever we want to be. This isn’t just applicable to social media. It is the same for working remotely, e-learning, or in any other setting that isn’t in-person. We become creative artists each time the camera points our way.

I can think of several times when I have looked at old, or even recent, photos and remember every detail of what was going on during that moment. Many times, it wasn’t good. There was heartache and pain behind the lens, but upon sharing the pictures with others, I became enamored by the comments and “likes.” I envied myself.

I wanted to be the person in the photo. I’d never felt the happiness that was shown in the photos. Worse, I was the cause of others’ envy simply by putting on a show for followers and “friends.”

I truly wanted to create that jovial spirit in my real life. Why do we make it look and feel so real? It is rare that we see posts (with photos) about the down times. I usually see the pushback reply: I want everyone to be happy, so I spread joy by only posting cheerful content.

Is it wrong, then, to spread an inauthentic lifestyle publicly for the sake of promoting something that you know is false? Do users have a moral obligation, to be honest online? No, they don’t. But, I’d argue all users should be honest with themselves because we know the people we see on social media, including ourselves, are not real.

Even worse, when something traumatic does happen, we become embarrassed to share the news because it would smear the portrayal that we’ve created. What’s entrancing about this scenario is that we wouldn’t post about a divorce or losing a job right away because that’s the part that we find to be unreal.

What’s the best way to renounce these desires? See below for a few ways to get started:

• Set a timer: this doesn’t mean using your internal clock! Use an app that will automatically time out based on your usage.
• Define your limits & be realistic: this goes for the step above, no cheating. You’d only make yourself feel worse. If you are a chronic user, start with an hour before the app times out, and continue to limit that number over time until you have more restraint.
• Block temptations: If you still find yourself struggling then take note of where you are spending the most time. Is it vacation photos from relatives, romance pictures of friends, vacation spots you can never visit, or celebrities showing off beauty products? Block them! Many platforms allow you to now “hide” content that you do not want to see. Once you get a handle on things, you can easily re-add or unhide these accounts.
• Deactivate: You have to be all in for this one. If you deactivate your account but still check the above from others’ login, then you may as well keep it. Don’t lower yourself in that way. Commit or be honest about the fact that you aren’t ready to take the leap.
• Delete: I found this to be the easiest way. It can be difficult at first but by permanently deleting my accounts I eliminated any remaining desire. It was also motivation because I knew I would not want to start over. I’ve been off of the major platforms for 7+ years.
• Get help: It can be tough involving others, especially if you have not shared your addiction with others, but you may find that they want to join you on this journey! It’s a great free way to gain support. There are plenty of forums out there as well if you’d rather share with strangers that have gone through this transition.
• Reward yourself: Create a reward system. For example, every hour that you go without social media, add to a budget to treat yourself to dinner, or whatever your individual idea of a reward might be.

Cutting ties with social media is not easy. Many people have a FOMO (fear of missing out). The more time you spend on social media, the more that you will realize that you aren’t missing out at all. Well, except for in your real life.

Be who you really are. There is just no way to capture the “real” on social media, but a start is to define a purpose before each post. If you find yourself looking at pictures online, even of yourself, ask yourself why. What feelings are coming from these observations? Is it worth it to keep it in your feed? Is this something that can be hidden? Or, can it be blocked or removed altogether?

Social media doesn’t have to ruin your life. It can be a great way to keep up with friends, family, and the latest…within reason.