I’ve always been a bit introverted. I strongly believe that everyone has some level of being ambiverted. I had an ex who told me that it was too late for me to make friends. This was while I was a non-traditional college student trying my best to make connections. I believed him.

This caused me to latch on strongly to relationships because I felt that was all I had. I’ve only recently realized how untrue that was.

I admit, it was hard for me to find friends in high school or college who I connected with on a deeper level due to past trauma. I didn’t trust many people, and I still don’t. But, everyone is not the enemy. Everyone is not “fake” with false motives. Moreover, you can make friends with shared interests as an adult.

Granted, it does take effort and initiative. I felt a bit lost at first while I was single. I tried random events, forums, outings, etc. in my quest to develop something. Eventually, it did work!

I gained a close friend group who I care about and vice versa. It made me realize the importance of “friends” and who will be there during the ups and downs.

I had a chat with one of those friends recently about how often this can also backfire. There is a particular friend who always disappears while in a relationship and returns when things don’t work out. It’s noticeable.

At some point, people will give up on you as being a genuine person. You will have no one to turn to once it fails (this does not mean that it will). However, I believe you should give 6 months to a year in a romantic relationship before you begin to prioritize your relationship over your friends. Even then, it is to balance your time with both.

The friend mentioned above blamed “work” as the reason for not being around as much, but we knew that was not true. The heavy workload only seemed to increase when the relationship was thriving. We were “missed” when things were not going well or ended.

This reminded me of myself. I certainly clung to my past partners and gave up on the idea of friends entirely. It’s healthy to have a friend group. It doesn’t have to be a large circle but someone other than a relative or romantic partner is essential to emotional wellbeing.

If you’re an introvert like me, I can feel your eye roll. I get it, but I urge you to consider ways to make a new connection that isn’t forceful or heavy-handed (ie, sending email, social media, and text blasts to hang out with people you have not spoken to in years). Let it flow naturally and see what comes of it.

That’s what will ultimately last.