Category Archives: Optimize: Health

My Personal Optimization, Optimize: Health

What’s Your Mindfulness? It Doesn’t Have to be What You Think.

When you think of mindfulness, where do your thoughts take you? Sitting uncomfortably in a sitting position ignoring the nausea that follows?

That isn’t a knock to those actively practicing. I commend you for patience and commitment. I also believe we should acknowledge that it isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay, too.

Mindfulness isn’t some elite party in which you aren’t on the guest list. The outcomes can be achieved in ways that personally work for you. But, how?

I’ve tried meditation countless occurrences. My partner meditates daily, and I have joined in many times in hopes that it will deepen our connection in some way, but we’ve come to accept that this is simply where we differ.

At first I thought, maybe there was something wrong with me or I’m failing at grasping the basic concept.

As mentioned above, I truly did get lightheaded during these practices. It was either not working or not resonating. Regardless, after thinking about it now, I realized that I was already achieving the same outcomes as meditation but utilizing other means to do so.

What is the benefit of mindfulness? Simplistically, it is a way to reduce stress and bring individual calm by being aware of your environment, breathing, thoughts, and overall sensations.

So far this is all still resonating.

To achieve the goal of mindfulness, most people practice meditation or focusing on the breath and being “mindful” of feelings and everything else taking place in that moment. This isn’t always an easy or comfortable task. I don’t mean that lazily.

The part that I do agree on is that any mindfulness practice should be in a quiet place. However, it could also be in a calming place. This could get tricky if there are distractions.

Here are a few things to keep in mind:

  • Sound: choose music or sounds that aren’t loud and don’t have words.
  • Location: the environment is essential. If your eyes will be open, you don’t want to see a lot of movement.
  • Smell: this may seem odd, but choose the smell beforehand. You don’t want to begin noticing that something is irritating your nose and start sneezing everywhere.
  • Temperature: being comfortable will enhance the experience as opposed to only noticing that you’re sweating or need a blanket for cover!
  • Set an intention: before jumping into it, have a chat with yourself about what you want to happen. This can certainly heighten your awareness.

When “regular” meditation wasn’t working for me, I decided to go a different direction. It may sound crazy, but the shower is my isolated spot for being mindful.

Nature is my happy place! But, it isn’t readily available during winter in the Midwest. Showers are the closest I can get to the outdoors when there’s snow out. If I close my eyes, I keep the focus on the sound of the water. If my eyes are open, my attention is focused on the water itself, and how it feels on my skin; the various parts of my body that it touches. If my mind wanders, I refocus on the physical feelings taking place. I highly recommend getting a shower pillow, by the way, if your shower has enough space for your entire body to lie flat. Discomfort will quickly kill the moment.

Light some candles, start a diffuser, get a bluetooth speaker, turn the bathroom into your official place of calm, escape, and rejuvenation! The outcomes will be rewarding, but research and try out other ways that work. Traditional meditation isn’t the only way to a therapeutic experience. Reflect on your likes and dislikes about it, and start a routine of alternatives!

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My Personal Optimization, Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships

Shout to the World: I’m Leaving Social Media!

Announcement or Outcry?

Anyone who has been on social media has heard the infamous cringe worthy line “I’m taking a break from social media, I need time to [insert arrogant activity no one cares about].” One week later, “here are all of the pictures from my break, I missed you all!” One week? Does that count? Is that even long enough to regain mental cleansing? I’d also assert that you don’t actually miss anyone who you wouldn’t pick up your phone to call, or even text.

So, why is that attention from strangers or distant acquaintances and relatives so important? That last part reminds me of a pretty significant keyword: relative… relevance. Who doesn’t want to feel relevant to hundreds of people at once? Only to have those same hundred people rip your confidence to shreds simply by not liking or commenting on a photo (I can assure you they all say it, by the way, but many people deal with their own social media anxiety simply by pretending not to be online at all).

I truly do believe that everyone on social media should take “real” breaks. Once a month or longer. If you find yourself frequently glorifying others’ lives, then it’s time for a break. Like yesterday, not today. Two hours ago, not right now!

I do get it. There are several reasons that we turn to social media: boredom, recognition, inclusiveness, [simulated] relationships, entertainment, and so much more. We often turn to it for what’s missing in our lives: love, lust, fulfillment, short interactions, and so on. When we take a “break,” we lose those basic needs (wants, really, that we’ve convinced ourselves we can’t live without) that are missing from real life. That would explain why the relapse is so quick.

If someone truly cares about taking a break from social media, they’d do it. I am by no means saying it’s easy to do so. It does take conditioning to prepare for something you’ve committed to and developed as a habit. This is coming from someone who ditched social media for 6+ years.

Even now, I only have Instagram, which I log into about every few months to look at cute fluffy animals or write something related to nature or blogging; and LinkedIn, which is treading the thin line of shaved ice as becoming a political and Meta cesspool. I’d like to say that’s disappointing, but that’d contribute to my point. Our expectations for social media far exceeds our, or any followers and friends, reality.

Back to the initial question. You know the answer. Think about if you’ve ever made a post about leaving or taking a break from social media. Were you serious or were you counting likes? Did you immediately log off or did you wait intently to receive last minute goodbyes in the comments, only to get a single response from a partner or parent. Did you use that time to rejuvenate and invest in yourself, or did you sneak peek at your local idols from another browser without logging in? It isn’t cheating if you aren’t logged in, right?

Get ahold of yourself! If you can’t text or call them then their fabricated social media lifestyle absolutely does not matter. You 135% got this! I understand that when boredom strikes, it seeps in like a thousand rattlesnake bites. Find your replacement habit. Challenge yourself to something new, or old. How many times did you start something only to stop because you were distracted by social media? Let’s reverse that! Pick up that “something,” and make social media work for your attention! Give yourself a schedule. Commit to an app timer, start small…like, no more than five minutes a day allowed.

That got long-winded, but I’d love to see so many more people realize that social media can be useful to keep in touch, but it can become toxic and obsessive. Find balance. Behind every post is an individual struggling with identity and who they really are. Don’t let the social media escape, trap, consume you.

Dig your way out of that cyber grave and bury that garbage with the very best of you flourishing beautifully on the surface.

Follow me & see you next time!

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My Personal Optimization, Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships

Resolutions…What Are Those Anyway?

I’ve always been opposed to the idea of a New Years’ resolution. The whole “new year, new me” concept makes me double-wince. I don’t mean that merely to be negative. It serves as a commercial deterrent rather than an inspiration. It’s the reason that gym memberships are at their peak, and an abundance of marketing goes into creating hope that this is finally your year to improve.

If you buy into this Krampus, then it is definitely time for improvement; I agree with that part. I’m not here to bash your dreams. But that’s the problem. A New Year’s resolution is nothing more than a dream, an expensive fantasy that is manufactured to get you spending money. Not self-development.

A resolution makes it appear that something is broken within you that urgently needs to be fixed or resolved. A New Year resolution is calling you a resolved problem. Let that sink in. No wonder so many people get discouraged at the start of the year. These aren’t realistic goals. It puts achievement out of reach. Let’s change that! How can we make our standards attainable throughout the entire year?

I can’t guarantee that everyone will be willing to look at this in the same light as I have, because honestly, I’ve always hated the phrase New Year’s Resolution. That is also what inspired me to adjust my mindset.

Here are a few things that I did early in the year:

  • Write a letter to yourself that maps out goals in detail
  • Create calendar reminders
  • Share your plan with someone close for accountability
  • Start a journey journal to see your progress on paper
  • Give yourself credit for trying
  • Have pep talks with yourself when you realistically aren’t
  • Take [very short] breaks when you need a mental reset
  • Look for creative reminders when something isn’t working
  • Open the letter after a year to see what you did and did not do

This list will be different for everyone, which is fine. We aren’t all the same. It took me a while to discover what did and did not work.

It might convey hypocrisy, but there is a key difference. It’s called intention. The other difference is this list can begin at any point throughout the year. there’s no reason to put a time stamp on it that says: I must begin this on January 1st. I’ll be the one to tell you: that’s just silly. Start now.

January 1st just happens to be convenient for me to open the letter to myself, but everything else is constantly getting adjusted as ideas come to me about how to improve the process. While calendar reminders have worked well for me, they can also be overwhelming, and they do absolutely no good if you find yourself only snoozing or swiping them away. That’s counterproductive. Better the process if it isn’t working, but do not cheat yourself. Procrastination is harming no one but you.

This is also why it might be helpful to share your plan with someone. But only someone who will be supportive. If they are the critical type that will hound you about why you aren’t working on these things, they aren’t a good fit. Even if it’s someone close. Especially if it’s someone close. Don’t sour those relationships. You want to be able to share the journey with them without causing friction.

Give yourself credit for the effort you have put into what you’ve already tried, but that is not an excuse not to keep going. When I say take a break, I mean maybe a day or two. Anything more than that is “out of sight, out of mind.”

You want to be fulfilled when it’s time to open that victory letter. You want to know that you completed or exceeded most or all of your goals. You don’t want to dread opening it like it’s a government letter for jury duty. Don’t rush to check off boxes. Take your time so that you’re actually getting something out of it that will be useful to you. The main objective is to continue to progress and add to it, but not so much that it becomes a burden. Adjust throughout the year, not once a year. See how you’re changing for the better…or worse. It’s okay to see when you aren’t at your best. That’s the point. You know when changes need to urgently be made.

Take a breath, and get at it! Happy New Year, and I hope your progress thrives throughout 2022!

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My Personal Optimization, Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships

Is Marketing Impacting Our Ability to Feel Loved?

We’ve always had a love/hate relationship with the way marketers target us for their studies to make us vulnerable to their products. We feel emotional connections to actors in a studio, trained to pull on our heartstrings. For those with stronger immune systems, they bring anything out of their bag of tricks from the furriest puppies they can find to the baby with the fattest cheeks. All based on the science of what the general public finds acceptable or attractive.

How much does this impact our daily life and the expectations that we generate based on how a product made us feel? For example: you see a happy couple running through a park full of vibrant flowers, holding hands. “Beautiful white smiles.” By the end, the words appear that mention how starting a financial wellness plan will add to your happiness. None of these visuals actually have to do with this couple being happy, but it does make YOU believe that your relationship would have more smiles if you and your partner planned finances better.

So, what happens next? You’re ready to start a financial planning journey (i.e. spending money), and now you have to chew your partner out about how they don’t save well enough, or should invest to contribute to the mental wellness of the relationship. When they aren’t on board, you feel neglected, betrayed, overruled. Now what? You move on to the next feel-good product that distracts you from the previous failure.

There is usually a go-to product that makes us feel better overall. Something we’re committed to no matter what. It might be books, video games, TV, blogs, bubble baths, food…

The common theme above? These things all cost money in some capacity (or did at some point), or time. Even with those cheaper items or things we don’t think are influencing us, we’re still being surrounded by marketing tactics. Because nothing is free, right?

Those free things (in the virtual setting) generally have advertising everywhere. Even just going for a walk has its downsides. You see it on trash bins, passing vehicles, billboards, sidewalks, nothing gets missed to get your attention!

This can make us feel wanted, liked, a little.

Why do you think people take the time to answer telemarketer calls, and instead of using those three kill words that should end the call immediately, they hang up– knowing that the person will call right back. Saying “Do Not Contact me,” and holding the phone until they acknowledge this will end that frustration. But many people who know this still choose to answer and speak with this live person, even if just for a moment.

Maybe it has to do with expecting that someone will actually call you. Is it possible that our subconscious awaits that voice-to-voice and power over another individual?

We want to feel wanted. Marketing does just that, in an unfortunate and corrupt way.

The next time you walk into a store, observe if you walk left or right. Do you notice more of the eye-catching things to the right? What colors draw you in? Are the more colors that you notice, like red or softer colors?

What things are magnetizing to your eyes? Your ears? How are these things impacting your personal relationships?

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Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships, Optimize: Work

Is It Rude to Send a Surprise Package During the Holiday Season?

It’s a time of appreciation! Right? Realistically, however, the standard holiday has changed drastically. Many people can travel without informing a relative or employer.

No one is opposed to gifts, generally. Until it’s unexpected and becomes a burden. Many people have non-traditional living situations. This might be that you travel a lot due to remote work, or staying between two homes if you split the time with a partner, or maybe you take care of a relative so many days per week.

The conundrum is that people become overly giving this time of year without casually checking first. I’m certainly not saying you should share these details, but I do think if someone is sending you something, then it’s helpful to pass along that information first.

Just today I received a Christmas card in the mail. It read something to the effect of, I saw your social media post and wanted to see how you were doing. I hope things are going well with you and the kids. I’m not on social media (expect #Wordpress), and I do not have kids. The card was not for me, I realized.

It’s a kind gesture, but based on the language used it became clear that this was written by someone who had not seen or heard from this person for a very long time. Perhaps reaching out for a current address to confirm that it’d be okay to send “something.”

I have noticed this a lot with jobs. Instead of checking with employees about a “mailing address,” they rely on poorly developed payroll management software that will only allow a “living address” for the purpose of taxes.

So, here you are 90 miles away and see a #Slack that Christmas gifts are being sent out and you will receive them by XYZ date. It is two-day shipping. Now, you have to scramble to find someone to run to get it if you’re in an apartment or area that is easily viewed from a distance.

At a minimum, the sender should send a tracking number. I hope this doesn’t come off as self-absorbed. This applies to those working in an office setting, generally, but also distant friends and relatives that may not be familiar with your situation.

The only point that I am making is just to check in with someone. I’m sure they’d appreciate hearing from you much more than receiving a gift, anyhow. Mental health can dry up this time of year, and it always helps to know someone is thinking of you, not just throwing money at you as means of expressing care.

Continue to express gratitude! Just be sure to revert back to the traditional verbal (not virtual) hello every once in a while.

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Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships, Optimize: Work

Have Requests Become Demands?

What does it mean to be selfish? Are we able to identify the difference between being selfish, setting expectations, and being unreasonable? When does our personal wants, not to be confused with needs, become demands? Do our “requests” become expectations?

Think of each time that you have asked someone a yes or no question about a request. These are nearly always not an actual request, but a demand. How so? If the answer is anything other than “no” then it immediately becomes negativity and disappointment. Is this fair to the person you’re asking?

I’m not referring to small, daily requests like can you pass the remote? But, actual impactful requests like would you mind picking me up grapes from the grocery store? Generally, we don’t actually care why the answer is no, but we express our frustration with a somber tone that relays that to the other person. Which either forces them to rethink the response or immediately turn defensive about proving the logic behind the decision.

However, it is unlikely that any explanation will not be accepted, unless it’s something very dramatic. Given the example above, the “approval” of rejection will be accepted if the person finds the “excuse” to be justified.

If you say you don’t want to pick up grapes because you don’t feel like leaving the house today would likely be met with an eye roll. If you add on that you had a really bad day work then acceptance creeps back. But if you add that you’re going to play video games to eliminate the tension then disapproval is back again.

“I feel bad that you’re having a bad day BUT you’d rather play video games than grab me grapes from the store after I asked kindly? How selfish!”

A person is entitled to say no, but we’ve been conditioned to associate the word “no” with something bad at an early age. Therefore, it is an expectation to say yes to everything to remain polite, or we’re perceived as just being rude. This is unacceptable mainly because if we begin saying yes to things we don’t actually agree with or want to do then we’re sour about it the entire time and either resent the person for “forcing” us into it or hold them accountable for owing us something.

It’s become so ingrained that it can even have a reverse effect when we do want to do something nice. For example, “do you want me to order us some food?” Most people would say yes and find this thoughtful, until: how do you want to split it? Womp womp. If you’re this person, you should either be the person to pay, or add that in the initial question: I was thinking about ordering some food, would you like to go in half on something? This avoids upfront awkwardness.

We should treat every query as if the answer will be no, not the other way around. If you truly want to know why the answer was no, then whatever answer is given should not be followed by another question to get the person to uncomfortably change their mind, but respect their decision and right to say no, even if it is something as simple as picking up something from the store.

Reframing our minds can put us in the mindset to get comfortable with rejection. I would not equate this to lowering expectations, but acceptance. That does not mean we should not ask questions at all, but think about the question and if you are asking for clarification or if you are asking to prompt a different response. If the latter, then start with this instead. Begin with an honest reason for the question, not cornering someone until they give you what you want.

It can be frustrating when this happens to us. To keep the conversation friendly and productive, evaluate the risks, and respond accordingly.

Getting the answer you want isn’t always worth it. If you do get a no, start off with appreciation, followed by your explanation for asking, and realistically, why you are unable to do this alone or yourself. Expressing gratitude may just get the person to switch anyway, but that should not be the end goal.

People like to feel needed, not used. Think about it the next time you ask for help with something. Have a backup plan if you do get a no, and be respectful of their service if they say yes. It’ll make you both feel better at the moment, and the next time either person needs a favor!

I hope to “see” you next time!

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My Personal Optimization, Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships

When Do You Pull the Plug?

You’ve been in severe pain and no form of advice, remedies, medication, meditation, or just about anything else seems to help. You feel deceived by all the times you were told everything will be alright; just give it some time, things will get better, and everything will work itself out. More like: things people say when they have nothing to say. It’s much easier to admit that I wish I knew what you were going through. I can listen if you’d like.

Continue reading When Do You Pull the Plug? →
Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships, Optimize: Work

One Moment: I’m Busy With My Busyness

The infamous, “I’ve been busy.” The phrase we all hate to hear, but the number one expression we love to use- in times of need. 

What is busyness? It’s just as it sounds, staying busy.  However, it has become more and more abused, and a top excuse for those who want to appear busy. 


I am certainly not saying people don’t get busy, but I am saying being busy is circumstantial. Just about any customer-focused professional knows that this is the number one excuse. In some regard, it also makes the person saying it feel more powerful, useful even. It gives the entitlement that someone needs you in the world, and that has made you too needed for *insert friend, relative, tasks here.* 


Let’s think about all of the things that we’re not too busy with: eating, social media, intimacy, games, travel, going out (these are only examples, and completely biased). Our busyness usually comes into full swing when it’s something we absolutely dread that we will have to become busy with, even if it only lasts a matter of seconds or minutes. 


Think of the last time someone has said this to you. What were you asking of them? What was the reason?  It could be the most basic requests (in your mind): 

  • How have you been? 
  • How is work going? 
  • I haven’t heard from you for a while? 
  • You didn’t call me back…
  • How is that project you were working on? 
  • What about those goals you set two years ago? 
  • Checking in on a relative…
  • When will you be finishing that book you started? 
  • …this list could go on forever. Everyone reading this has 10 more things to add for every sentence that was read. 

Are these excuses, genuine, insecurity, neediness (feeling important at the moment), or deception? 


Start by asking yourself how quickly you answered the question with a “busy” reply. For example: How have you been? Just busy, as always. How so? Work, you know, the usual. How is work keeping you busy? Well, it’s work…the usual. 

If work is the usual, should that even be part of your busyness? That’s an expectation. What about after work? What about when you sit on the toilet for 10 minutes with a phone in your hand scrolling Facebook?

What about while you’re waiting for the pot to boil for your pot of noodles? Or, waiting for the gas to finish pumping? These are all moments, even if small, that could be used to reach out to a friend, relative, or read something engaging instead of…scrolling. *cringe* 


Something I have incorporated into my routine more is reading. Not regular reading, because I read a LOT, but the moments when your brain is turned off. I found myself awake at night unable to sleep and…scrolling. There was nothing engaging about these articles, the news, and I’m not on social media. I installed a game, but it did not fulfill me. 


So, if I love reading, why only do it when the lights are on. I could use that time for something beneficial. I downloaded eBooks (audiobooks could work as well if you are into that), and I considered this a nighttime read. Even if I really enjoyed the book, I would only read it when I knew I would be awake at night. 


I also used this time to schedule text messages or chats. Of course, you do not want to randomly text someone at 2 a.m. So, if there was someone on my mind I scheduled the message to send during regular hours. That way, busyness is not intercepting as an excuse, as you are already awake. Do something productive! 


Instead of thinking about all of the things you could be doing, do them! This could even help you get back to sleep. Clean, cook, all of the things you are too busy for, but society says you should only do during certain times of the day. 


Own your busyness! If you are going to be busy, truly be busy! Do not excuse yourself from the people that are important or the goals you could have achieved months ago. At least try it before deciding you aren’t capable of it. I’d say give it a minimum of seven consecutive days before giving up (don’t be a giver-upper!). 


I do hope you start this challenge with me, or at least really think about that response before you ever say it to someone again. The next time someone says it to you, challenge them about their busyness (again, they may be truly busy). If it is an auto-reply, it is probably not authentic.  


Happy reading (or whatever you choose to fulfill those little moments)! 

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My Personal Optimization, Optimize: Health

Why the Rush?

“Live in the moment” might be cliché, but let’s not rush the moment.

You’re driving at normal speed, and the person behind you proceeds to tailgate, presumably because you are driving too slow. This individual begins to flash headlights and honk before aggressively speeding around and making a quick exit. You notice the person speeds right into the parking lot of…fast food. So, what was the rush? A crying baby? An emergency?

Continue reading Why the Rush? →