Tag Archives: Behaviors

My Personal Optimization, Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships

Shout to the World: I’m Leaving Social Media!

Announcement or Outcry?

Anyone who has been on social media has heard the infamous cringe worthy line “I’m taking a break from social media, I need time to [insert arrogant activity no one cares about].” One week later, “here are all of the pictures from my break, I missed you all!” One week? Does that count? Is that even long enough to regain mental cleansing? I’d also assert that you don’t actually miss anyone who you wouldn’t pick up your phone to call, or even text.

So, why is that attention from strangers or distant acquaintances and relatives so important? That last part reminds me of a pretty significant keyword: relative… relevance. Who doesn’t want to feel relevant to hundreds of people at once? Only to have those same hundred people rip your confidence to shreds simply by not liking or commenting on a photo (I can assure you they all say it, by the way, but many people deal with their own social media anxiety simply by pretending not to be online at all).

I truly do believe that everyone on social media should take “real” breaks. Once a month or longer. If you find yourself frequently glorifying others’ lives, then it’s time for a break. Like yesterday, not today. Two hours ago, not right now!

I do get it. There are several reasons that we turn to social media: boredom, recognition, inclusiveness, [simulated] relationships, entertainment, and so much more. We often turn to it for what’s missing in our lives: love, lust, fulfillment, short interactions, and so on. When we take a “break,” we lose those basic needs (wants, really, that we’ve convinced ourselves we can’t live without) that are missing from real life. That would explain why the relapse is so quick.

If someone truly cares about taking a break from social media, they’d do it. I am by no means saying it’s easy to do so. It does take conditioning to prepare for something you’ve committed to and developed as a habit. This is coming from someone who ditched social media for 6+ years.

Even now, I only have Instagram, which I log into about every few months to look at cute fluffy animals or write something related to nature or blogging; and LinkedIn, which is treading the thin line of shaved ice as becoming a political and Meta cesspool. I’d like to say that’s disappointing, but that’d contribute to my point. Our expectations for social media far exceeds our, or any followers and friends, reality.

Back to the initial question. You know the answer. Think about if you’ve ever made a post about leaving or taking a break from social media. Were you serious or were you counting likes? Did you immediately log off or did you wait intently to receive last minute goodbyes in the comments, only to get a single response from a partner or parent. Did you use that time to rejuvenate and invest in yourself, or did you sneak peek at your local idols from another browser without logging in? It isn’t cheating if you aren’t logged in, right?

Get ahold of yourself! If you can’t text or call them then their fabricated social media lifestyle absolutely does not matter. You 135% got this! I understand that when boredom strikes, it seeps in like a thousand rattlesnake bites. Find your replacement habit. Challenge yourself to something new, or old. How many times did you start something only to stop because you were distracted by social media? Let’s reverse that! Pick up that “something,” and make social media work for your attention! Give yourself a schedule. Commit to an app timer, start small…like, no more than five minutes a day allowed.

That got long-winded, but I’d love to see so many more people realize that social media can be useful to keep in touch, but it can become toxic and obsessive. Find balance. Behind every post is an individual struggling with identity and who they really are. Don’t let the social media escape, trap, consume you.

Dig your way out of that cyber grave and bury that garbage with the very best of you flourishing beautifully on the surface.

Follow me & see you next time!

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My Personal Optimization, Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships

Resolutions…What Are Those Anyway?

I’ve always been opposed to the idea of a New Years’ resolution. The whole “new year, new me” concept makes me double-wince. I don’t mean that merely to be negative. It serves as a commercial deterrent rather than an inspiration. It’s the reason that gym memberships are at their peak, and an abundance of marketing goes into creating hope that this is finally your year to improve.

If you buy into this Krampus, then it is definitely time for improvement; I agree with that part. I’m not here to bash your dreams. But that’s the problem. A New Year’s resolution is nothing more than a dream, an expensive fantasy that is manufactured to get you spending money. Not self-development.

A resolution makes it appear that something is broken within you that urgently needs to be fixed or resolved. A New Year resolution is calling you a resolved problem. Let that sink in. No wonder so many people get discouraged at the start of the year. These aren’t realistic goals. It puts achievement out of reach. Let’s change that! How can we make our standards attainable throughout the entire year?

I can’t guarantee that everyone will be willing to look at this in the same light as I have, because honestly, I’ve always hated the phrase New Year’s Resolution. That is also what inspired me to adjust my mindset.

Here are a few things that I did early in the year:

  • Write a letter to yourself that maps out goals in detail
  • Create calendar reminders
  • Share your plan with someone close for accountability
  • Start a journey journal to see your progress on paper
  • Give yourself credit for trying
  • Have pep talks with yourself when you realistically aren’t
  • Take [very short] breaks when you need a mental reset
  • Look for creative reminders when something isn’t working
  • Open the letter after a year to see what you did and did not do

This list will be different for everyone, which is fine. We aren’t all the same. It took me a while to discover what did and did not work.

It might convey hypocrisy, but there is a key difference. It’s called intention. The other difference is this list can begin at any point throughout the year. there’s no reason to put a time stamp on it that says: I must begin this on January 1st. I’ll be the one to tell you: that’s just silly. Start now.

January 1st just happens to be convenient for me to open the letter to myself, but everything else is constantly getting adjusted as ideas come to me about how to improve the process. While calendar reminders have worked well for me, they can also be overwhelming, and they do absolutely no good if you find yourself only snoozing or swiping them away. That’s counterproductive. Better the process if it isn’t working, but do not cheat yourself. Procrastination is harming no one but you.

This is also why it might be helpful to share your plan with someone. But only someone who will be supportive. If they are the critical type that will hound you about why you aren’t working on these things, they aren’t a good fit. Even if it’s someone close. Especially if it’s someone close. Don’t sour those relationships. You want to be able to share the journey with them without causing friction.

Give yourself credit for the effort you have put into what you’ve already tried, but that is not an excuse not to keep going. When I say take a break, I mean maybe a day or two. Anything more than that is “out of sight, out of mind.”

You want to be fulfilled when it’s time to open that victory letter. You want to know that you completed or exceeded most or all of your goals. You don’t want to dread opening it like it’s a government letter for jury duty. Don’t rush to check off boxes. Take your time so that you’re actually getting something out of it that will be useful to you. The main objective is to continue to progress and add to it, but not so much that it becomes a burden. Adjust throughout the year, not once a year. See how you’re changing for the better…or worse. It’s okay to see when you aren’t at your best. That’s the point. You know when changes need to urgently be made.

Take a breath, and get at it! Happy New Year, and I hope your progress thrives throughout 2022!

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Optimize: Work

Is Work the New High School?

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Recently on Linkedin, an interesting topic came up: is it rude for a colleague to allow the door to shut/slam on the person walking in behind him or her, and is it necessary for the person being let in to say a simple “thank you.” Most of the comments said that a person should ever hold a door open, or give acts of kindness for a response in return. I say that is complete gibberish, and people will say anything on a social media platform for a positive response. Those same people defending the lack of workplace etiquette, are the same people who make lengthy Facebook posts about how disrespected they feel in these situations.

It was very much a surprise to see the amount of people who disagree with workplace manners, and creating a toxic environment. Leading up to that conversation, I had a co-worker that would always let the door shut on me. My suggestion in this post, and how I handled it, was that it should be addressed. Too often, we turn to social media to vent about these encounters instead of just speaking up. I can certainly understand the discomfort just about anywhere else, but in the workplace? A professional environment? We’re with these people for most of the day, why should we allow this behavior to exist? Why aren’t we optimizing each others lives?

My biggest workplace frustration has become that work no longer feels like a “safe” place that you think of as a productive second home. Saying “hello,” or waving is equivalent to trying to feed a resistant baby, if you want the pleasantry reciprocated. I make a daily effort to look people in the eye in passing, and speak. Most people in my workplace will look to the floor, wall, at their shoes, phone, even hand, to avoid a human exchange. Can social media really be the blame for this? If someone does speak, at most, a grunt comes out.

I first noticed this changing culture about ten years ago, when I still worked in retail. I smiled at a customer, and I heard him say to his wife “I don’t know why she’s smiling so goofy.” It’s actually a pretty funny comment, now. Then, however, I felt like Bernie Sanders or Joe Biden in that I had not yet caught up with this cultural shift that greetings were being easily misinterpreted. It’s very odd because so many people speak SO loudly with a keyboard. Take that away, and you’re lucky to get the thunder of the emoji eye roll or wink.

About a year ago, I took a poll in something else that I noticed. Many coworkers admitted that they do not participate in holiday greetings (not just religious). They said that they would never tell someone “happy Valentine’s Day” or “Happy Mother’s Day.” I found that very odd, am I alone in this? I asked why, and was told that too many people take it as flirting, or get offended, so they stopped altogether. I asked several age groups. I read an article that shed a little light on this. It’s logic was that you don’t know how such a comment makes a person feel. For example, telling a deeply depressed person Happy Valentine’s Day who just had a bad breakup. Or, saying Happy Mother’s Day to someone who just lost a mom. Of course, you did not know any of that when you said it. I’ve had people say both, but I’ve never been offended by any of that. Even during hard times, but I can see why they would suggest that.

That last one might not seem as much like high school, but it does add to the workplace politics. The rumor mill. Rumors are unethical in every way, and 95% of the time, once you hear it, it is not even close to the original rumor. That game “telephone” is true in more than one way. Unless it comes directly from the source, it is nonsense. Banter. Gossip. That does not take away from the hurt that it causes, the disappointment, and the reason for the behaviors listed above. Who would want to speak to someone that was “heard” saying something bad about them? Who would want to hold the door open for someone they were “told” must like them because they wished a happy holiday? Get it from the source, or get it out of your head, not out of your mouth! Studies have found that it people actually don’t care much about the content of a rumor when it is about them, but they are more bothered that someone is talking about them at all.

That being said:

  • Work is very similar to high school, but you control your cliques.
  • It’s okay to speak in the workplace, everyone does not want to date you.
  • If you have a close enough relationship, you can wish someone a happy holiday/occasion. Use commonsense.
  • Do not spread rumors. They are disgusting, and do not belong at work. You can guess all you want as to how much truth someone is saying, but it’s usually wrong.