Tag Archives: Mindset

My Personal Optimization, Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships

Resolutions…What Are Those Anyway?

I’ve always been opposed to the idea of a New Years’ resolution. The whole “new year, new me” concept makes me double-wince. I don’t mean that merely to be negative. It serves as a commercial deterrent rather than an inspiration. It’s the reason that gym memberships are at their peak, and an abundance of marketing goes into creating hope that this is finally your year to improve.

If you buy into this Krampus, then it is definitely time for improvement; I agree with that part. I’m not here to bash your dreams. But that’s the problem. A New Year’s resolution is nothing more than a dream, an expensive fantasy that is manufactured to get you spending money. Not self-development.

A resolution makes it appear that something is broken within you that urgently needs to be fixed or resolved. A New Year resolution is calling you a resolved problem. Let that sink in. No wonder so many people get discouraged at the start of the year. These aren’t realistic goals. It puts achievement out of reach. Let’s change that! How can we make our standards attainable throughout the entire year?

I can’t guarantee that everyone will be willing to look at this in the same light as I have, because honestly, I’ve always hated the phrase New Year’s Resolution. That is also what inspired me to adjust my mindset.

Here are a few things that I did early in the year:

  • Write a letter to yourself that maps out goals in detail
  • Create calendar reminders
  • Share your plan with someone close for accountability
  • Start a journey journal to see your progress on paper
  • Give yourself credit for trying
  • Have pep talks with yourself when you realistically aren’t
  • Take [very short] breaks when you need a mental reset
  • Look for creative reminders when something isn’t working
  • Open the letter after a year to see what you did and did not do

This list will be different for everyone, which is fine. We aren’t all the same. It took me a while to discover what did and did not work.

It might convey hypocrisy, but there is a key difference. It’s called intention. The other difference is this list can begin at any point throughout the year. there’s no reason to put a time stamp on it that says: I must begin this on January 1st. I’ll be the one to tell you: that’s just silly. Start now.

January 1st just happens to be convenient for me to open the letter to myself, but everything else is constantly getting adjusted as ideas come to me about how to improve the process. While calendar reminders have worked well for me, they can also be overwhelming, and they do absolutely no good if you find yourself only snoozing or swiping them away. That’s counterproductive. Better the process if it isn’t working, but do not cheat yourself. Procrastination is harming no one but you.

This is also why it might be helpful to share your plan with someone. But only someone who will be supportive. If they are the critical type that will hound you about why you aren’t working on these things, they aren’t a good fit. Even if it’s someone close. Especially if it’s someone close. Don’t sour those relationships. You want to be able to share the journey with them without causing friction.

Give yourself credit for the effort you have put into what you’ve already tried, but that is not an excuse not to keep going. When I say take a break, I mean maybe a day or two. Anything more than that is “out of sight, out of mind.”

You want to be fulfilled when it’s time to open that victory letter. You want to know that you completed or exceeded most or all of your goals. You don’t want to dread opening it like it’s a government letter for jury duty. Don’t rush to check off boxes. Take your time so that you’re actually getting something out of it that will be useful to you. The main objective is to continue to progress and add to it, but not so much that it becomes a burden. Adjust throughout the year, not once a year. See how you’re changing for the better…or worse. It’s okay to see when you aren’t at your best. That’s the point. You know when changes need to urgently be made.

Take a breath, and get at it! Happy New Year, and I hope your progress thrives throughout 2022!

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Optimize: Health, Optimize: Relationships, Optimize: Work

One Moment: I’m Busy With My Busyness

The infamous, “I’ve been busy.” The phrase we all hate to hear, but the number one expression we love to use- in times of need. 

What is busyness? It’s just as it sounds, staying busy.  However, it has become more and more abused, and a top excuse for those who want to appear busy. 


I am certainly not saying people don’t get busy, but I am saying being busy is circumstantial. Just about any customer-focused professional knows that this is the number one excuse. In some regard, it also makes the person saying it feel more powerful, useful even. It gives the entitlement that someone needs you in the world, and that has made you too needed for *insert friend, relative, tasks here.* 


Let’s think about all of the things that we’re not too busy with: eating, social media, intimacy, games, travel, going out (these are only examples, and completely biased). Our busyness usually comes into full swing when it’s something we absolutely dread that we will have to become busy with, even if it only lasts a matter of seconds or minutes. 


Think of the last time someone has said this to you. What were you asking of them? What was the reason?  It could be the most basic requests (in your mind): 

  • How have you been? 
  • How is work going? 
  • I haven’t heard from you for a while? 
  • You didn’t call me back…
  • How is that project you were working on? 
  • What about those goals you set two years ago? 
  • Checking in on a relative…
  • When will you be finishing that book you started? 
  • …this list could go on forever. Everyone reading this has 10 more things to add for every sentence that was read. 

Are these excuses, genuine, insecurity, neediness (feeling important at the moment), or deception? 


Start by asking yourself how quickly you answered the question with a “busy” reply. For example: How have you been? Just busy, as always. How so? Work, you know, the usual. How is work keeping you busy? Well, it’s work…the usual. 

If work is the usual, should that even be part of your busyness? That’s an expectation. What about after work? What about when you sit on the toilet for 10 minutes with a phone in your hand scrolling Facebook?

What about while you’re waiting for the pot to boil for your pot of noodles? Or, waiting for the gas to finish pumping? These are all moments, even if small, that could be used to reach out to a friend, relative, or read something engaging instead of…scrolling. *cringe* 


Something I have incorporated into my routine more is reading. Not regular reading, because I read a LOT, but the moments when your brain is turned off. I found myself awake at night unable to sleep and…scrolling. There was nothing engaging about these articles, the news, and I’m not on social media. I installed a game, but it did not fulfill me. 


So, if I love reading, why only do it when the lights are on. I could use that time for something beneficial. I downloaded eBooks (audiobooks could work as well if you are into that), and I considered this a nighttime read. Even if I really enjoyed the book, I would only read it when I knew I would be awake at night. 


I also used this time to schedule text messages or chats. Of course, you do not want to randomly text someone at 2 a.m. So, if there was someone on my mind I scheduled the message to send during regular hours. That way, busyness is not intercepting as an excuse, as you are already awake. Do something productive! 


Instead of thinking about all of the things you could be doing, do them! This could even help you get back to sleep. Clean, cook, all of the things you are too busy for, but society says you should only do during certain times of the day. 


Own your busyness! If you are going to be busy, truly be busy! Do not excuse yourself from the people that are important or the goals you could have achieved months ago. At least try it before deciding you aren’t capable of it. I’d say give it a minimum of seven consecutive days before giving up (don’t be a giver-upper!). 


I do hope you start this challenge with me, or at least really think about that response before you ever say it to someone again. The next time someone says it to you, challenge them about their busyness (again, they may be truly busy). If it is an auto-reply, it is probably not authentic.  


Happy reading (or whatever you choose to fulfill those little moments)! 

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