We’ve always had a love/hate relationship with the way marketers target us for their studies to make us vulnerable to their products. We feel emotional connections to actors in a studio, trained to pull on our heartstrings. For those with stronger immune systems, they bring anything out of their bag of tricks from the furriest puppies they can find to the baby with the fattest cheeks. All based on the science of what the general public finds acceptable or attractive.
How much does this impact our daily life and the expectations that we generate based on how a product made us feel? For example: you see a happy couple running through a park full of vibrant flowers, holding hands. “Beautiful white smiles.” By the end, the words appear that mention how starting a financial wellness plan will add to your happiness. None of these visuals actually have to do with this couple being happy, but it does make YOU believe that your relationship would have more smiles if you and your partner planned finances better.
So, what happens next? You’re ready to start a financial planning journey (i.e. spending money), and now you have to chew your partner out about how they don’t save well enough, or should invest to contribute to the mental wellness of the relationship. When they aren’t on board, you feel neglected, betrayed, overruled. Now what? You move on to the next feel-good product that distracts you from the previous failure.
There is usually a go-to product that makes us feel better overall. Something we’re committed to no matter what. It might be books, video games, TV, blogs, bubble baths, food…
The common theme above? These things all cost money in some capacity (or did at some point), or time. Even with those cheaper items or things we don’t think are influencing us, we’re still being surrounded by marketing tactics. Because nothing is free, right?
Those free things (in the virtual setting) generally have advertising everywhere. Even just going for a walk has its downsides. You see it on trash bins, passing vehicles, billboards, sidewalks, nothing gets missed to get your attention!
This can make us feel wanted, liked, a little.
Why do you think people take the time to answer telemarketer calls, and instead of using those three kill words that should end the call immediately, they hang up– knowing that the person will call right back. Saying “Do Not Contact me,” and holding the phone until they acknowledge this will end that frustration. But many people who know this still choose to answer and speak with this live person, even if just for a moment.
Maybe it has to do with expecting that someone will actually call you. Is it possible that our subconscious awaits that voice-to-voice and power over another individual?
We want to feel wanted. Marketing does just that, in an unfortunate and corrupt way.
The next time you walk into a store, observe if you walk left or right. Do you notice more of the eye-catching things to the right? What colors draw you in? Are the more colors that you notice, like red or softer colors?
What things are magnetizing to your eyes? Your ears? How are these things impacting your personal relationships?
What are we doing with most of our time? I have to ask myself this a lot, and my conclusion is always, “not enough.” My primary debacle comes from my expectations of others, and expectations of myself. People make it seem that wanting to enjoy your own life is a sin. It is your to do what you please, and live as you wish. I LOVE to travel and explore new places. Primarily “off the beaten path” places that are not tourist hubs. Those can be interesting, but it is not where I would spend most of my trip. This is actually putting my dreams at a slow pace, as I can only take 1-2 vacations per year, which is never nearly enough. As you may have gathered, I love to travel! I want to connect with others who share that passion, and learn more about what those lives are like. I am still discovering a career path that will allow this more.
About five years ago, I had a breakup with my then boyfriend. After that moment, I was introduced to online dating, something I was completely opposed to, in what I found to be the most rational sense. There were several things that I learned from that relationship, as we all do, but mostly that online does offer the opportunity to say upfront exactly what you want before the date. Of course, people tend to fudge who they are for the sake of a simple reply, but I was hopeful that my profile would be boring enough to attract similar personalities. It worked, to some degree, but I was flooded with responses from [literally] hundreds of men because of my “good girl” demeanor. I will get more into this in the future, but my point is that I wanted to find someone who shared my love for travel, and “the little things.”
I ultimately did begin dating someone, who I am still with, but we have different interests in our preferences, that we are always talking through to understand each other more. He loves to learn, and I love to travel. The only way for our worlds to meet is by me learning while traveling. I do not find reading a textbook or sitting in front of a computer to be fulfilling or compelling; that is my day job. I don’t just want to read about it, I want to see it, and touch it, whenever possible. I want to deeply feel it, and not just have an interesting fact to share during conversations with friends or strangers.
I want to share experiences, not knowledge that is useless until a lunch date. I am a visual learner, so show me don’t tell me. A 2013 survey by the US Travel Association found that 94% of couples that travel together felt closer, as opposed to 86% of couples that did not feel closer and didn’t travel together. The survey found that most of couples who traveled found this to be a bond to “spend alone time together” and “are more likely to communicate well.” The survey linked the below statistics to igniting intimacy, long-term benefits, and maintaining a relationship.
86% of travelers believe romance is still alive.
63% rate vacation as important to sparking romance.
68% found travel necessary to maintaining a healthy relationship.
I, too, agree with these facts for the same reason that I agree with the concept of the holidays that we all hate. Yes, it has become commercial propaganda, but the initial reasons (if you ever have time to look up why some of these were created) had good intentions.
I have been off of social media for about four years now, but the main thing I hated to read was “I treat her like the queen she is every day, but Happy Mother’s Day to my wife.” You and your wife both know that isn’t true, and holidays are just a reminder of the things we tend to forget. For the 1% that don’t put on a sham, kudos! If you are opposed to holidays, then choose another day each month or every few months just to treat someone special that you would otherwise forget I will share in the future what we have done to get around this obstacle). It isn’t often that a partner sends flowers, or gives roses until said holidays arrive.
Traveling is a great way to fill in those gaps. It is a way to bond when life gets in the way of that closeness, and it is truly the only way that you can focus on each other with nodistractions. You can attempt to do this from home, but often times something else comes up (television, video games, cooking for lunch/dinner & not pleasure or a romantic evening, cleaning, emails, and all of the other unsexy things that we do each day). I fully support and commend couples that have discovered this secret, and made it work for them. In a future post, I will talk about what it has been like to be in a relationship when that passion for something isn’t fully shared. He does enjoy our trips when we do go, but it isn’t high on his priority list, as it is for me.
Travel has transformed me. It is a relief drug. It drives me to an all-time high. As much as I love to travel, it does not define me wholly. When I am not able to travel, I love to be outdoors, especially in nature.
Nature is like a home vacation. I am always looking for new places, and things to do. Luckily, this is something that is a necessity for us both in my relationship. The sound, smell, and identity of nature, all of it stimulates me. In particular, I enjoy the sight of water. This may seem odd, but it is so invigorating and captivating. Enough adjectives, but I hope you can understand and relate the feelings that it brings me. I have an obsession with everything water: waterfalls, rivers, oceans, rain, streams, the toilet flushing, the faucet running, and on and on. It’s a quirk of my personality, and waterfalls are a must-see when I visit any place. I sleep to the sound of water each night with an app. These are the main things that bring me calmness and joy.
I have watched several relatives get older in their long-term relationships, and begin making travel plans or trying new things after the kids are older. Why wait until you are frail, slow, sick, insecure (I am not saying that is the case with everyone, but in this case, they are). I refuse to let life pass me by, and I continue to seek adventure! Once the last trip ends, planning for the next is in full swing. I have always hoped to share that with someone special.
A few other fun facts about me: I will mention my boyfriend often, and we are deciding if we should begin a YouTube channel together, as another platform to bring us closer. We have a lot of candid moments that could bring happiness to others.I enjoy independent films that relate to me, or real life in general.
My favorite animal is the elephant, but I also love cats, horses, and small dogs . I don’t have a typical “favorite” color, if at all, but if I had to choose, it would be brown, orange, or blueish. As mentioned, I love to make and try new foods, but mostly for others to try it (i.e. my boyfriend or parents). I am not a huge fan of music (that does not mean I do not enjoy it), but when I do listen, I like very melancholic or dramatic sounds. I have wanted to learn the guitar for a few years, but my motivation has not been strong enough to remain consistent. Each time I hear an acoustic riff, I begin to research chords again. I haven’t given up on it completely, but I just need to find a balance of practice.
“The baby.” My yorkie passed a few years ago, and the baby is a product of her legacy.
The majority (if not all) pictures on my site are mine or belong to my partner, using the Google Pixel (1 & 2). I try to avoid any pictures that aren’t, but if I do use something from another person, it will be credited as such, and clearly stated. Each blog will be a new learning experience, as this is uncharted territory.
I have put off blogging for a few years, but have been adding to my outline of it for the same amount of time. I am ready to share my progress, and stick with it! I think of blogging as a safe place to share thoughts, ideas, and honesty.
Blogging is an escape from the “real” world. It is nice to be able to share things with others’ who may have the same feelings. Things that a relative or person in everyday life will never understand. We can all optimize each others lives by keeping our “social” [media] selves honest. I look forward to exploring, optimizing together! I do not want to become quickly jaded, so I am still working on my plan to hold myself accountable. There’s so much more to tell! But, I will save the rest for the blog. Thanks for reading, and until next time…
Behind the Fog: The Peaks & Valleys of Life. 
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