How many times have you heard the phrase “I knew s/he was the person I would marry when I first saw him/her. It was love at first sight.” Is starting a relationship built upon lust healthy?

Perhaps calling love at first sight lust is a bit harsh, unless that’s truly the dynamic occurring. There are simple ways early on to know if someone is significantly honored to be present with you, or waiting for the first opportunity to turn said love into physical lust.

What are the obvious signs of love at first sight?

• They stare at your body hungrily but don’t look you in the eye
• They only want to spend time alone in absolute seclusion but not publicly
• They get easily frustrated by boundaries
• They continuously compliment your looks but nothing else
• There’s no conversation or connection
• There’s no investment in learning about each other
• They tell you it’s love at first sight!

Physical Yearning

There is certainly nothing wrong with adoration, but is it love at first sight? Observation is key here to determine if it’s love. Attraction is a component of those early “feelings” that lead to a committed loving relationship. That thirsty attraction will fade eventually, so it’s essential to wait for those physical cravings to die down before devouring each other after only a few weeks of dating.

Isolation

Being driven into isolation is a red flag for many reasons but estrangement because you think it’s love at first sight should not be on that list. We find comfort in spending time with someone alone early in the relationship. However, if there is time for love-making but not family or friend introductions then it’s probably lust, not love at first sight…or any love for that matter.

Setting Boundaries

Physical attraction is inevitable in the beginning. Even for those who do not believe in love at first sight. There are also people who claim to have no attraction at all to someone but it begins to grow once they get to know them. So, it’s a bit of the opposite of love at first sight. Sort of like reverse love at first sight.

The point is that boundaries should be set when there is a powerful connection and extreme attraction. This is really the definition of love at first sight in a nutshell. If someone is truly claiming it to be love right away when only knowing what’s on the surface, then anything physical should wait.

I’d even say that for the first few months you should only meet publicly to restrict any eagerness to turn things sexual. While it may seem like an outdated practice (but so are long-term relationships), starting off small can help to build strength. These little milestones will intensify quickly and make for an even more powerful bond in the future, and far exceed the generality of love at first sight.

Compliments

I’m certainly not saying that you should pretend attraction doesn’t exist. You just have to ask yourself the bigger questions about that attraction.

Does the conversation flow or are you always looking for objects in the room as conversation starters? Can you look at the person and think about how much you’re enjoying their company or does it always turn into them being beautiful or handsome? In that moment, do you feel it’s love at first sight, or are those just comforting words? Are you distracted by their looks or by their intellect, humor, or ambition?

There should be more than temptation for it to be defined love at first sight. Give other compliments that aren’t related to appearance, and if you’re struggling to find something that isn’t about looks then it probably isn’t love at first sight…or second, or third.

Is there a connection?

Similar to what was mentioned above, what are the conversations like? Does it go on for hours? Give you butterflies? Urges to actually talk to that person again, and not just see them? I’d say this is far beyond love at first sight, and you lucked out!

Having a physical and emotional connection is a plus. While love at first sight is debatable, starting slowly with these little wins is sure to lead to love.

Investing More Than Verbiage

If it is love at first sight, what are you willing to risk for this person so early into the relationship? What would you give up or give to this person to display your love? While love shouldn’t be monetary, it’s still a question worth asking: is this really love at first sight or is it infatuation?

So, what’s the difference between love at first sight and “puppy love” or having a crush? We’ve all heard of the honeymoon phase, but that honeymoon shouldn’t be within the first three days of seeing someone. There’s another key reason why this is important.

Cheating.

When you rush into this fantasyland, those physical reactions to having love at first sight can take a deep dive, and drown fast. The cheating statistics are alarming, especially in younger adults. This is also an age when love at first sight is introduced and confused with what love even is.

By taking the time to eliminate any suspicion surrounding that it’s genuinely love at first sight, you can build trust and rid the situation of jealously. Part of this process will still include if you’re the only one for this person. By moving too fast, you’re acting on impulse. Make sure things are a good fit, and you align in other areas outside of just looks.

What is your investment in this person? It shouldn’t be just to prove to the other person that this isn’t only love at first sight, but also to prove to yourself that this is real, and more than love at first sight.

What “deposits” (again, not money) are you willing to make into this person? Are they an investment? Do you see a future? Do you know in your deepest core that this is love?

Has someone said to you that it’s love at first sight? Have you declared to someone else that it’s love at first sight? Did they mean it? Did you?

One of the problems with love at first sight is it’s completely temporary. That’s not an exaggeration. Those that quickly transition into marriage because of love at first sight are also more likely to experience boredom, and again, cheating or divorce.

The divorce rate is equally as scary as the cheating rates. We aren’t taking enough time to learn a partner and avoid heartbreak. How do you keep things new and engaging before the engagement?

I wouldn’t say run for the hilltop because someone says it’s love at first sight. Thanks for the compliment! But, I would suggest to be weary, in the beginning.

What do you think, is love at first sight genuine or excessive? Let me know on Instagram @naturesexplorers!