Spoilers ahead! The Midnight Library is a book about what choices we would relive if we were given the chance. The underlying topic is suicide and the power of the mind during difficult times. If someone went through with such an act and had a chance to slightly alter past decisions, what would those be?
Continue reading The Midnight Library: What Regrets Would You Revisit if Given the Chance?All posts by Shá D.
Doubt Words: What Are Those?
Self-doubt is the negativity that we harshly express toward ourselves, but this can easily rub off on others. We talk ourselves out of our own capabilities, and in turn, by sharing this with others, they begin to question their own ability. How common is this? In particular, in the workplace or at home.
Continue reading Doubt Words: What Are Those?Should AI Have Rights?
Views vary on what has ultimately become a sensitive topic as AI (Artificial Intelligence) continues to become smarter, get enhanced human features (emotionally & physically), and interact with people just as any other person would. But what “human” rights does an AI have?
Continue reading Should AI Have Rights?
Why Is My Employment Gap Relevant?
It is all too common to be asked about your employment background during a job interview, as expected. How much of it is actually relevant to the application process, and how much of it is bias taking place before the job offer is presented?
Continue reading Why Is My Employment Gap Relevant?Love at First Sight: Genuine Emotion or Shallow Desire?
How many times have you heard the phrase “I knew s/he was the person I would marry when I first saw him/her. It was love at first sight.” Is starting a relationship built upon lust healthy?
Continue reading Love at First Sight: Genuine Emotion or Shallow Desire?Has A Reliance On Technology Failed the Future?
I often ask myself, “what would it be like to turn off technology and step away from the world?” I don’t mean for a few hours. I mean weeks, months, or years.
Are we capable of such madness? I’m not sure if I should be sad or accepting when I walk into a restaurant and see couples each with phones out; ironically, posting to social media about what a great time they’re having.
What else has technology incapacitated us from? Relationships are a bit more obvious. Who doesn’t want attention from strangers that you never have to see in person?
I’ve noticed technology change and enhance over time, but my biggest disappointment in technology was the first time I saw a book robot. It’s as intimidating and frustrating as it sounds. Read about the monstrosity here.
I recall being in the library and slowly watching the books disappear into the abyss, i.e. the robot. I loved the smell of the books. It’s a smell you can only find in antique stores, thrift stores, or libraries that still have actual books.
Eventually, the school moved all books to the top floor only, until there were none. This new initiative was focused on providing more meeting areas and conference rooms. Four stories of round tables and computers seemed excessive.
It felt a lot like cancel culture. The majority ask and they shall receive.
Is this all making us more resourceful? It’s so simple to write a sentence and have an app not only tell you what words are incorrectly spelled, but if they aren’t in context. This is fun until you start a game of Scrabble or Taboo.
I’m not against technology, but while it’s making us smarter, it is undeniably making us, well, dumber. It’s embarrassing to witness in the workplace. Every conversation shouldn’t end with, “let me look that up.”
Where does that leave the future? We can say that we’re too far advanced for such a thing to happen…but what if it did?
The crash of technology could be the wipeout of humankind. Simply by disappearing. Covid happened, so it certainly is possible.
Are we willing to challenge ourselves to our capabilities without it? Can we see how resourceful we really by using instincts and our own sense of direction?
We have invested any remaining intellect not only into technology but into our reliance on it. Where does that leave the future? Are we going backward or forward?
What’s Your Mindfulness? It Doesn’t Have to be What You Think.
When you think of mindfulness, where do your thoughts take you? Sitting uncomfortably in a sitting position ignoring the nausea that follows?
That isn’t a knock to those actively practicing. I commend you for patience and commitment. I also believe we should acknowledge that it isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay, too.
Mindfulness isn’t some elite party in which you aren’t on the guest list. The outcomes can be achieved in ways that personally work for you. But, how?
I’ve tried meditation countless occurrences. My partner meditates daily, and I have joined in many times in hopes that it will deepen our connection in some way, but we’ve come to accept that this is simply where we differ.
At first I thought, maybe there was something wrong with me or I’m failing at grasping the basic concept.
As mentioned above, I truly did get lightheaded during these practices. It was either not working or not resonating. Regardless, after thinking about it now, I realized that I was already achieving the same outcomes as meditation but utilizing other means to do so.
What is the benefit of mindfulness? Simplistically, it is a way to reduce stress and bring individual calm by being aware of your environment, breathing, thoughts, and overall sensations.
So far this is all still resonating.
To achieve the goal of mindfulness, most people practice meditation or focusing on the breath and being “mindful” of feelings and everything else taking place in that moment. This isn’t always an easy or comfortable task. I don’t mean that lazily.
The part that I do agree on is that any mindfulness practice should be in a quiet place. However, it could also be in a calming place. This could get tricky if there are distractions.
Here are a few things to keep in mind:
- Sound: choose music or sounds that aren’t loud and don’t have words.
- Location: the environment is essential. If your eyes will be open, you don’t want to see a lot of movement.
- Smell: this may seem odd, but choose the smell beforehand. You don’t want to begin noticing that something is irritating your nose and start sneezing everywhere.
- Temperature: being comfortable will enhance the experience as opposed to only noticing that you’re sweating or need a blanket for cover!
- Set an intention: before jumping into it, have a chat with yourself about what you want to happen. This can certainly heighten your awareness.
When “regular” meditation wasn’t working for me, I decided to go a different direction. It may sound crazy, but the shower is my isolated spot for being mindful.
Nature is my happy place! But, it isn’t readily available during winter in the Midwest. Showers are the closest I can get to the outdoors when there’s snow out. If I close my eyes, I keep the focus on the sound of the water. If my eyes are open, my attention is focused on the water itself, and how it feels on my skin; the various parts of my body that it touches. If my mind wanders, I refocus on the physical feelings taking place. I highly recommend getting a shower pillow, by the way, if your shower has enough space for your entire body to lie flat. Discomfort will quickly kill the moment.
Light some candles, start a diffuser, get a bluetooth speaker, turn the bathroom into your official place of calm, escape, and rejuvenation! The outcomes will be rewarding, but research and try out other ways that work. Traditional meditation isn’t the only way to a therapeutic experience. Reflect on your likes and dislikes about it, and start a routine of alternatives!
Shout to the World: I’m Leaving Social Media!
Announcement or Outcry?
Anyone who has been on social media has heard the infamous cringe worthy line “I’m taking a break from social media, I need time to [insert arrogant activity no one cares about].” One week later, “here are all of the pictures from my break, I missed you all!” One week? Does that count? Is that even long enough to regain mental cleansing? I’d also assert that you don’t actually miss anyone who you wouldn’t pick up your phone to call, or even text.
So, why is that attention from strangers or distant acquaintances and relatives so important? That last part reminds me of a pretty significant keyword: relative… relevance. Who doesn’t want to feel relevant to hundreds of people at once? Only to have those same hundred people rip your confidence to shreds simply by not liking or commenting on a photo (I can assure you they all say it, by the way, but many people deal with their own social media anxiety simply by pretending not to be online at all).
I truly do believe that everyone on social media should take “real” breaks. Once a month or longer. If you find yourself frequently glorifying others’ lives, then it’s time for a break. Like yesterday, not today. Two hours ago, not right now!
I do get it. There are several reasons that we turn to social media: boredom, recognition, inclusiveness, [simulated] relationships, entertainment, and so much more. We often turn to it for what’s missing in our lives: love, lust, fulfillment, short interactions, and so on. When we take a “break,” we lose those basic needs (wants, really, that we’ve convinced ourselves we can’t live without) that are missing from real life. That would explain why the relapse is so quick.
If someone truly cares about taking a break from social media, they’d do it. I am by no means saying it’s easy to do so. It does take conditioning to prepare for something you’ve committed to and developed as a habit. This is coming from someone who ditched social media for 6+ years.
Even now, I only have Instagram, which I log into about every few months to look at cute fluffy animals or write something related to nature or blogging; and LinkedIn, which is treading the thin line of shaved ice as becoming a political and Meta cesspool. I’d like to say that’s disappointing, but that’d contribute to my point. Our expectations for social media far exceeds our, or any followers and friends, reality.
Back to the initial question. You know the answer. Think about if you’ve ever made a post about leaving or taking a break from social media. Were you serious or were you counting likes? Did you immediately log off or did you wait intently to receive last minute goodbyes in the comments, only to get a single response from a partner or parent. Did you use that time to rejuvenate and invest in yourself, or did you sneak peek at your local idols from another browser without logging in? It isn’t cheating if you aren’t logged in, right?
Get ahold of yourself! If you can’t text or call them then their fabricated social media lifestyle absolutely does not matter. You 135% got this! I understand that when boredom strikes, it seeps in like a thousand rattlesnake bites. Find your replacement habit. Challenge yourself to something new, or old. How many times did you start something only to stop because you were distracted by social media? Let’s reverse that! Pick up that “something,” and make social media work for your attention! Give yourself a schedule. Commit to an app timer, start small…like, no more than five minutes a day allowed.
That got long-winded, but I’d love to see so many more people realize that social media can be useful to keep in touch, but it can become toxic and obsessive. Find balance. Behind every post is an individual struggling with identity and who they really are. Don’t let the social media escape, trap, consume you.
Dig your way out of that cyber grave and bury that garbage with the very best of you flourishing beautifully on the surface.
Follow me & see you next time!
Valentine’s Day Crunch Time: Try This Hustle
Valentine’s Day is approaching…ready?
I’ve always appreciated receiving flowers, but let’s be honest, they’re overpriced and die quickly. I’m frugal and feel bad about anyone wasting that kind of money on me. Unless…
Continue reading Valentine’s Day Crunch Time: Try This Hustle
Resolutions…What Are Those Anyway?
I’ve always been opposed to the idea of a New Years’ resolution. The whole “new year, new me” concept makes me double-wince. I don’t mean that merely to be negative. It serves as a commercial deterrent rather than an inspiration. It’s the reason that gym memberships are at their peak, and an abundance of marketing goes into creating hope that this is finally your year to improve.
If you buy into this Krampus, then it is definitely time for improvement; I agree with that part. I’m not here to bash your dreams. But that’s the problem. A New Year’s resolution is nothing more than a dream, an expensive fantasy that is manufactured to get you spending money. Not self-development.
A resolution makes it appear that something is broken within you that urgently needs to be fixed or resolved. A New Year resolution is calling you a resolved problem. Let that sink in. No wonder so many people get discouraged at the start of the year. These aren’t realistic goals. It puts achievement out of reach. Let’s change that! How can we make our standards attainable throughout the entire year?
I can’t guarantee that everyone will be willing to look at this in the same light as I have, because honestly, I’ve always hated the phrase New Year’s Resolution. That is also what inspired me to adjust my mindset.
Here are a few things that I did early in the year:
- Write a letter to yourself that maps out goals in detail
- Create calendar reminders
- Share your plan with someone close for accountability
- Start a journey journal to see your progress on paper
- Give yourself credit for trying
- Have pep talks with yourself when you realistically aren’t
- Take [very short] breaks when you need a mental reset
- Look for creative reminders when something isn’t working
- Open the letter after a year to see what you did and did not do
This list will be different for everyone, which is fine. We aren’t all the same. It took me a while to discover what did and did not work.
It might convey hypocrisy, but there is a key difference. It’s called intention. The other difference is this list can begin at any point throughout the year. there’s no reason to put a time stamp on it that says: I must begin this on January 1st. I’ll be the one to tell you: that’s just silly. Start now.
January 1st just happens to be convenient for me to open the letter to myself, but everything else is constantly getting adjusted as ideas come to me about how to improve the process. While calendar reminders have worked well for me, they can also be overwhelming, and they do absolutely no good if you find yourself only snoozing or swiping them away. That’s counterproductive. Better the process if it isn’t working, but do not cheat yourself. Procrastination is harming no one but you.
This is also why it might be helpful to share your plan with someone. But only someone who will be supportive. If they are the critical type that will hound you about why you aren’t working on these things, they aren’t a good fit. Even if it’s someone close. Especially if it’s someone close. Don’t sour those relationships. You want to be able to share the journey with them without causing friction.
Give yourself credit for the effort you have put into what you’ve already tried, but that is not an excuse not to keep going. When I say take a break, I mean maybe a day or two. Anything more than that is “out of sight, out of mind.”
You want to be fulfilled when it’s time to open that victory letter. You want to know that you completed or exceeded most or all of your goals. You don’t want to dread opening it like it’s a government letter for jury duty. Don’t rush to check off boxes. Take your time so that you’re actually getting something out of it that will be useful to you. The main objective is to continue to progress and add to it, but not so much that it becomes a burden. Adjust throughout the year, not once a year. See how you’re changing for the better…or worse. It’s okay to see when you aren’t at your best. That’s the point. You know when changes need to urgently be made.
Take a breath, and get at it! Happy New Year, and I hope your progress thrives throughout 2022!
Behind the Fog: The Peaks & Valleys of Life. 
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